It's been a while, but there's so much that's been going on - it's left me drained. I'm tired, bewildered and familiarly broken...humans are funny creatures. We try to do things differently, but we still end up going back to what is comfortable to us, even if it means some type of pain. Which is why it usually takes something so profound to happen to us to really cause change. Either that or you have to abandon almost everything else to make the changes you need. I'm guessing that for an alcoholic to stop drinking, everything else has to take a backseat to focusing on not drinking. In time s/he can restore balance. The only way I'm going to be able to create real change in my life is to get rid of the other things that I've put in the way - the groups, causes, protests, etc. Well wouldn't that be interesting...but I doubt it's gonna happen. But the choices are there for me to make so I guess I can't complain...even though I kinda am.

So...here's a few tidbits for you to chew on....

I think I have psychic powers. Well, maybe not, but some weird coincidences have happened lately. One of them was last week. I was thinking to myself, "Hey, where the hell have all the gay people gone?" I used to hang out with a buttload (pun intended) of gay people. Now...poof they're gone. (another pun...still intended) So I'm taking this mental inventory of all the people of alternate lifestyles I used to have in my life and we've all drifted away, yet I'm more involved with gay issues than I ever was...I just don't drink with them anymore.

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be psychic.

So a day or so after this weird mental excursion, I get dragged to this gay bar. The only messed up thing about it was that it was kareoke night. Ugh. "So I'm chillin'. Like I do." No problem. Having a few beers, good times...then I feel this tug on my arm. I turn and there's this chick, who looks familiar, but I can't figure it out. Well, I didn't need to think too long because she starts screaming at me, "I voted for you! You should have won!" etc. At first it was kinda neat, but then it got kinda weird when she went into the "you're a celebrity to me" thing. Yeah...uh...before you go to the Get Down, Whitee Card...remember where I am. She's on the other team. I also saw a TV news reporter and a camera person who I now know are on the other team as well. It was kinda funny as the dude didn't want to acknowledge that he knew me. An interesting evening all around. I start thinking about the gays, then BAM! I better be careful. With such powers I could start contemplating the positives & negatives of S&M...the next thing you know I'm tied up in someone's basement with a leather mask on and a broomstick up my ass. It could happen.

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Speaking of people with sticks up their asses (ooooh, nice segue')...I just got back from a Green Party of New York state committee meeting. GPNYS is known around the country as the most dysfunctional state in the union. And it's really caused by these 5 freakin nutjobs who are entrenched in positions of "power". We can't get rid of them. The problem is the Greens try to get people to participate. Other parties exclude those who don't act a certain way. I guess those people end up with us.

As the sane Greens are out on the street, organizing, registering, protesting, running for office, these five clowns are creating absolute chaos within the party. The sad thing is we have to divert energy away from "the cause" to constantly deal with these people. We're working on it, but due to the inclusive nature of the Green Party, it's a slow process.

At this meeting a bunch of (I hope) sane people were trying to get on the state committee. The more people on it, the easier it will be to control, and maybe even get rid of, the Banana Bunch. I was one of those people. Well, the BB tried to make sure that all 19 people didn't get on. The chaos they set in motion lasted over three hours. In the end, 18 of the 19 got on. Yep. I was the one who didn't. It's a story that no one who reads this would care about, but I ended up having to throw myself on the grenade to save the rest of the troops.

These five remind me of high school geeks who took the Mock United Nations a bit too seriously. They talked about "resolutions" endlessly, needed to feel in control of everything, cooked up conspiracies (both their own and others' against them). If you watch one of these meetings, they're always scurrying around the room talking in each other's ear or badgering the facilitator. One of them tried that shit on me...I was polite but basically told her to go away. I wish they'd just go get obsessed about Dungeons & Dragons or something like that. I'd file these folks in my "I don't understand what motivates them" file, but I know what does...mental illness. The difference between these cats and some of the other nutjobs I've had to deal with is intellegence...the members of the Green Banana Bunch are not dumb people. Just freakin crazy. They have no clue how far back they're keeping us.