I used to get pretty incredulous whenever anyone would indicate that he/she didn't like me. I don't mean a woman saying she wants to be friends; I'm almost used to that. I mean anyone who said I was annoying or obnoxious - I couldn't figure out what their problem was. I've never tried to piss anyone off, I'm not smarmy (I hope) and as I've gotten older I think I've gotten pretty good at making my points on stuff in a positive way.

Again, as I've gotten older I've come to figure out what the deal is...I'm right and you all are wrong. It must be pretty freaking frustrating having someone like me around. It's amazing I don't have a better social life.

Case-in-point. I had a letter to the editor in the local corporate rag last week. No big deal, I've had a lot of them in before. It was a reaction to an editorial about education. The editors of that fishwrap & I have gone around on education for a while...again, I'm right, they're wrong. (In this case, it is true...seriously...I'm not just saying that for effect)

So this chick writes in, about how she is a substitute elementary school teacher and the other day she read a very meaningful book to the students and that I'm an idiot. OK, I paraphrased a bit, but she actually called me out. In the past, I'd be amazed that anyone would disagree with what I'm saying. Now I'm older, wiser and more mature...I understand how these things work. She has absolutely no idea what I'm talking about and yet she took the initiative to show everyone by wrting a reaction to my piece.

Where do these people get off? I'm sure the editors of this sorry excuse for a newspaper say the same thing about me...but again...I'm right, they're wrong. How do I know this...because I only chime in when I know what I'm talking about!!!

Dummies.

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Speaking of Dummies...I'm pretty sure the guy who lives in the apartment next to mine doesn't read this, but if he does...

Dude...could you do me a favor...when you're using your grill on the deck that we share...STOP GOING IN AND OUT OF YOUR FREAKING APARTMENT EVERY 30 SECONDS TO CHECK ON YOUR FREAKIN MEAT!!!!

Sparky, stay outside or leave it there to cook. I swear to god I'm going to nail that door to the deck shut on your ass! What the fuck are you doing, checking to make sure some squirrel hasn't stolen your dinner? Watch the Discovery Channel, squirrels don't eat meat you dumbass! I'm trying to sleep and you're opening and closing your apartment door AND the deck door every 30 seconds...I'm not exaggerating...30-freakin-seconds!

Tangent Alert!

I know...I know...you live in the city, that's part of city life. What, acting like an asshole? Who the hell raised you to think that wouldn't annoy your neighbors? Or to have an argument with your skanky-ass baby's-mama...loud...outside...for two hours? Huh? At least I can change the channel on Maury Povitch.

Look, I'm down with living in the city...I know it's going to be relatively loud. I get that...but I just hate the avoidable stuff. Noise pollution that doesn't have to be. I swear, if I was a violent person I'd sit on my deck with a gun and every time that C-sucker with the motorcycle drives by that shakes my entire house...pow...I wouldn't shoot him...just his bike.

Alright, I'm done now.

Douchebags.