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Wednesday, August 4 (31 weeks) God I hate A Baby Story. Yesterday was a tough one. The air isn't working and it was hot and humid. I just can't handle heat. John stuck his finger in a candle flame and I stepped on a plastic CD holder thing breaking it and cutting my foot when I grabbed him to ran him upstairs. Luckily neither injury was too bad. But John had just thrown out all the ice cubes the night before so that was another frustration. I was in tears when I called Kari to cancel class. After rescheduling, I felt much better. But the heat got to me later. It stormed pretty good last night and it should be cooler for the next few days until John can do anything about the air again. We thought it was fixed, but, oh well. I hope the next attempt is successful. The last week was pretty good, though. John's birthday was a week ago today. I made lasagna for dinner and a german chocolate cake. Both were really good. I bought some balloons and streamers and hats, to give the house a festive atmosphere. I think it was a good night. I tried to find him a couple cheap cheesy gifts at Wal-Mart. I got him a hat that came with a smaller hat for a kid. The kid's hat says "Future All Star" and the dad's hat says "Coach - Number One Dad." And I got him a new pitcher for kool-aid. He's been drinking the stuff like crazy and the pitcher he was using doesn't have a lid. Oh, yeah. After giving up on a job last week, I got a call from the Rockford paper and Barnes & Noble. The paper job is in classifieds doing line ads and legal notices part time. It's 4-5 hours in the afternoon and pays a decent hourly rate of $9.75. John would only have to go to day care for a few hours each day. B&N was for a lead floor person, doing displays, stocking books and handling the cash register for only $7.50, and no set schedule. Although I made an appointment for an interview, I ended up canceling it. I went for an interview in Rockford Friday. After the usual chit chat, the woman I saw asked if I had any questions or anything else I wanted to talk about. Gee, what could she have been talking about. I told her what I had hoped would work regarding my pregnancy. I said the job would give me a break from chasing John all day and I was looking forward for him to be able to go to day care. I mentioned that I had read about more workplaces encouraging women to bring their newborns to work for the first year, and that most day cares don't take babies under 2 months anyway. Although I didn't know what the office setup was like, I told her most newborns just sleep and eat anyway. If I could have a sling and bouncy seat, I think it would work. And I don't think I would need much time off after the birth; coming to a part-time job wouldn't be as much of a challenge as a full-time job. I wouldn't want her to take the time to train me and then have me leave for a few months maternity time. She said she would talk to HR about the idea. Then she had me sit next to someone taking calls and I talked to the woman who handles the legal notices now. Then she asked if I was still interested. I said yes. I am hoping to hear something today. I have no idea what she thought about everything I said. The pay and hours are pretty good. It doesn't seem like it would be too boring. And maybe come December, if I get the editorial job, I could do both. I also found a day care provider in Rochelle who doesn't charge too much which would allow me to bring something home each week. Other than that, it's just been the usual day in and day out. Well, things are getting tougher though. I feel more like I'm 9 months pregnant already. It's tough keeping up with John. I really can't play with him much. I feel like I'm just laying around while he plays alone. Compared to my last pregnancy, I am on my feet much more. I have stairs to climb, a little kid to carry around, and a house to keep clean. Last time I just ate and watched TV. No stairs, no one to take care of, and not much to do. My mom offered to help pay for day care part time even if I don't get a job just to allow me some down time. It would be good for me and John, I think. He needs to be around kids more and experience some other situations outside the house. He's so cute at the playground and library when he's around other kids. He hasn't been shy at all lately. We went to the library Saturday and he played with a kid who was probably 3 years old. He hung out playing with him and then got up and went to another area by himself for a while. Then came back. When I said it was time to go, he ran right over to the stairs and waved goodbye. Last night at the playground he walked over to some kids playing in the rocks and sat down right next to them. They gave him an empty gatorade container so that he could put in and pour out rocks along with them. He's the cutest. I got a breastfeeding video from the library for my last Bradley class. I cried a little watching all the little babies breastfeeding. I can't believe we're going to have one in just two months! I'm excited and stunned, still. Monday, August 16 (32.7 weeks) I'm having second thoughts. I just don't think I belong in a hospital this time. It would be so much easier to stay at home. I would be more comfortable, we wouldn't have to drive 45 minutes, we wouldn't have to take John anywhere, or make him hang out in a hospital room, and I wouldn't have to worry about fighthing with hospital staff about a video camera or the stupid EFM. I called insurance today and it's too late to change medical groups. Can't switch in the third trimester. I doubt the Homefirst group would have worked out anyway. They won't come to Ogle County and I don't want to go to my sister's. There's the midwife near Rockford I talked to a while ago and there's a lay group around here somewhere. Either way I'll have to pay something. We don't have any money for it and I don't want to get into some monthly payment thing. So, I guess that's that. I had a midwife appointment Thursday, but it was canceled at the last minute due to a delivery. I was looking forward to talking to her about my newest thoughts. I don't know what she would say or if she could help me out at all, though. Then I was supposed to have an interview at the library Friday afternoon, but when I got there, the woman said it's supposed to be next week. So I made John leave work early two days in a row for nothing. I didn't get the newspaper classifieds job. Well, working at the library here in Rochelle would work a lot better, though. I don't know why I wanted the newspaper job so much. With the library, I wouldn't make enough to put us over the guideline for the childcare subsidy program and I wouldn't have to drive anywhere. I saw the list of interview appointments and it looks like there are maybe 5 other people. I'm sure a couple of them aren't pregnant. Wednesday, August 18 (33 weeks) Well, things may not be so bad. I talked to a homebirth midwife yesterday. We had talked a while ago when I called to let her know that I am teaching Bradley. At that time we talked about me wanting to have a homebirth, but not being able to afford it and the options I had with our insurance. She said she took Blue Cross, but PPO, not the HMO. She charges $2800 for prenatal and delivery. No, I don't think we could afford that. But then I had a crazy idea last night. Why not switch from the HMO to the PPO that the midwife and her doctor accept? I called the NIU insurance office. It just happens to be a benefit choice period right now, through Friday. We could switch to the PPO and I could use this midwife! Of course it will cost more each month, like maybe $100. But that's better than $2800. We could switch back if we are still here the next time the choice thing comes around. Although we're not really getting by on what he brings home now, it's not that much more. And John's looking for another job anyway. He could be back at WVU in October for all we know, or somewhere else. He doesn't quite understand why I want a homebirth. He thinks taking caring of John is my main concern. Besides not wanting to fight about having to be hooked up to a monitor and when we can use our camcorder, it would be a lot easier on John to be home. There are all the conveniences of home, too. Thursday, August 19 (33.1 weeks) Continued . . . I made a list of disadvantages for the hospital and home. For home, I wouldn't get the good freebies like the peri bottle, disposable underwear, ice pads, diapers, or have use of an unlimited hot water supply and nice tub. I don't know how much of a hassle the newborn procedures or circumcision would be at home. There's a strong possibility of neighbor noise. I don't know if the midwife would provide all the needed supplies. And there's the additional insurance cost. I think it may be $70/month. (but John's current pediatrician accepts the PPO.) At the hospital, John wouldn't be free to run around, have all of his toys around, have snacks and juice, or a good place to sleep. I think he could handle watching the birth better at home. Kari and my mom would have to drive back and forth from Kari's or our house and take care of John. I would be more worried about John if I was in the hospital. I would have to deal with strangers messing with me and the new baby, and there's the increased risk of infection. I would be in a small hospital bed instead of our big comfy bed, and I couldn't have candles burning. And then the two original reasons - whether we could tape the actual delivery and if I would have to have EFM. Although I'm not having much luck finding a job, there had to be something I can do to cover the added insurance cost. I know we have hardly anything left after bills for even gas and groceries, but there has to be a way to do this. This is more important than all the other things we wish we had money for. I hope we can talk about everything at my appointment tonight. Wednesday, August 25 (34 weeks) My first Bradley couple had their baby this morning. She was a week late and wanted to be induced for a few different reasons. They applied gel to her cervix a few times, but only got some inconsistent contractions. They went home after being at the hospital for a while. Later that night her water broke and contractions came on strong and close. She said she knew she was going to have an epidural after only a few. But she said my suggestions for toning helped her get through a shower and to the hospital. She was 3 cm when she got there and an hour later, after getting the epidural, she was 7 cm. An hour later she started to push. She had a baby girl, 7 lbs 6 oz 19.5 inches, around 3 am, about 6 hours after her water broke. She said she needed a couple of stitches because she couldn't slow down her pushing. She said she had to push through the pain. I don't think she had a very strong epidural. I'm really happy for them, and she said she was happy with how everything went. I wonder what the AAHCC will think about that. My first couple had an epidural. I really don't care. I'm glad she took the classes and made her own decisions. Back to me . . . last Friday I cried all day. We had to make the insurance switch before 4:30 pm that afternoon and I guess the stress really got to me. John was willing to do it, just to stop my crying, I think. But I wasn't totally sure I wanted to. I just wanted him to talk to me about it, and not concentrate on the money aspect. Well, we didn't do it. Then I had an interview at the library. My eyes looked great, I'm sure. The interview went well, though I don't think they went for the idea of bringing a baby to work and they seemed to think I would need more than a few weeks off. I would love to work there. I don't really like how they set up the part-time schedule, though - a couple long shifts and a couple short ones. I have an interview at NIU in a couple hours. It's a temporary part-time position for an accountant's assistant type thing. The ad said they prefer someone with bookkeeping experience, but I'm sure I could learn, right? I checked out the book The Accounting Game a couple weeks ago, but didn't get very far in it. But that's something. I'm really feeling big and uncomfortable lately. I can't believe I have 6 more weeks to go. I think he'll be early. Oh, and now I'm starting to think it may be a girl. I don't know why. We came up with another boy's name - Cal. And another middle name for a girl - Arden, so it would be Jane Arden. John doesn't like it. I wish I knew. |
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