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(Why is Jesus
in the subject field? To get by my uncle's spam filter.)
IN WHICH
We Commence Our Journey In The
Loudest Vehicle Known To Man, Do Not Eat Lunch For A Very Long Time, AND I
Unwittingly Begin A Feat Of Superhuman Stamina.
I awoke at
10:00 on the morning of the event, as our plan had been to leave at about
11, to arrive by 5 PM. I took a shower, got dressed, and then
started packing. 2 minutes later, I finished packing, and went on
the computer to do some things before we left. After a while, I
noticed that it was already 10:55 and no one had been by to see me.
I wandered out my door, and found Jason waiting in the first floor lounge,
watching SportsCenter. "Where's Josh?," he asked. I
didn't know, and went back to my room to call him. He answered on
the third ring - just having returned from his exciting test. I told
him to stay there and we would pick him up on our way out. Jason and
I went out to his car after we collected his things, and he started it up.
"RRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!," the car said, as we pulled away,
sounding like it had swallowed a Harley.
I didn't know quite what to say to that, so I kept quiet and shifted
around in my seat a little, hoping things would work themselves out.
"RRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!," the car continued, as it
shifted gears.
I realized that this car wasn't going to respond to subtle nonverbal cues,
so I gave it a quizzical look, designed to encourage it to stop.
"RRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! RRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" The
car would have none of it.
Jason noticed my consternation.
"You remember that little exhaust problem I told you about,
Steve?"
Oh. Yes. I do.
"Well, that's it."
"So you're telling me it's going to make this noise the whole
way?"
"Yeah, but it usually gets better once we're out on the
highway."
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" The car took offense to
that.
He was right - it was a little better on the highway, but the noise was
still quite obnoxious. Even when we turned up the tapes I had
brought, it usually drowned out the bass with its constant "RRRUMMMMMMM,"
which was okay, because the three of us were often loud enough to carry
the song anyway.
We got through most of Pennsylvania quickly and it was about 1:30 before
anyone mentioned lunch. Through a series of misleading signs, we
missed a few exits that had signs for food, then managed to get off at the
only interstate exit in the ENTIRE COUNTRY that does not have ONE SINGLE
SOLITARY FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. Jason said that when he leaves his
job at Houghton, he wants to go back there and open a McDonald's, which
will obviously bring in tens of thousands of dollars a week from poor,
lost travelers like ourselves, whom we will gouge mercilessly with our
high prices.
And speaking of high prices, once Jay and I got us back on the turnpike,
we found a McDonald's right off the next exit. I didn't have any
money with me - the $20 my mother was sending had not yet arrived - so
Josh said he would cover any expenses if I paid him back when we
returned. It was nearly $5 exactly (with tax) just for the low-end
#2 Extra Value Meal, my personal favorite. I got in the terribly
long lines while Jason and Josh visited the facilities. When they
returned, I decided not to visit the facilities, and we took our
overpriced food back out to the beast, where I discovered - as always -
that I had forgotten to get ketchup.
TO BE CONTINUED
Part Six
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