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Joke Collection #2
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New
Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill
Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator
exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to
fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the
compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that
we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four
parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door
and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the
world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's
greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one
of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The
world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a
parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama
spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the
bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a
parachute, and I will go down with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's
smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and offers:
"If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street
when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty
children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that
would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a
GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can
give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid
voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary
Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell
me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident,
and it certainly would be no great loss!"
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep
in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
elephants tail really hard.
Years and years later the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river
having a drink with his giraffe buddy when the same turtle that bit him on
the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears
back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way
off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" The giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that
turtle bit my tail for no reason." The elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" Exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" Said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall".
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