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Joke Collection #20
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar but
thinks "What the heck, I really want a drink".
A gay waiter swishes up to him and says "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer is shocked and says "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want
is a drink".
The gay waiter says "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the
name of your penis."
So the customer says "All right, what's the name of YOUR penis?".
The gay waiter says "NIKE ... you know, JUST DO IT".
The customer thinks for a moment and says "The name of my penis is
"Secret".
"SECRET?" says the waiter, confused.
The customer says "Yeah ... STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR
A WOMAN!".
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he
turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm,
if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
436."
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her Fairy Godmother said her
breasts would increase in size each time a man said, "Pardon," to her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he
said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was
ecstatic. The next day she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he
begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was
in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant, collided
with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy
behavior." The next day the headline in the local newspaper said,
"Chinese Waiter Crushed by Two Torpedoes!"
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news
that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has
had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to
celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells
them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks,
"Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are
dying of AIDS?" The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your
mother after I'm gone!"
American India Chief
A famous reporter was doing a documentary on the customs of the
American Indians. After a tour of a reservation that they were on,
she asked what was the significance and major differences in the
number of feathers on the head dresses that they were wearing.
She asked a young Indian who only had one feather on his head
dress. His reply was, "ME ONLY HAVE ONE WIFE, ME HAVE ONLY ONE
FEATHER."
She asked another young man, feeling that the first guy was only
joking. This young Indian had four feathers on his head dress. He
replied, "OGH! ME HAVE FOUR FEATHERS BECAUSE ME SLEEPS WITH FOUR
WIVES."
Still not convinced about the number of feathers actually indicated
the number of wives involved, she decided to interview the Chief.
Now the Chief had a head dress full of feathers, which needless to
say, amused the reporter. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so
many feathers on your head dress?"
The chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "ME CHIEF! ME
F***-EM ALL, BIG, SMALL, FAT TALL, ME F***-EM ALL!!"
Horrified, the reporter stated, "YOU OUGHT TO BE HUNG!!" The
chief replied, "YOU DAMNED RIGHT ME HUNK..........BIG LIKE BUFFALO,
LONG LIKE SNAKE!!"
The reporter cried, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO HOSTILE." The chief
replied, "HORSE-STYLE, DOG STYLE, WOLF-STYLE, ANY STYLE, ME F*** EM
ALL!"
Tears in her eyes, the reporter cried, "OH DEAR!!" The chief
replied, "NO DEER, ME NO F*** DEER, ASSHOLE TOO HIGH AND F***ERS
RUN TOO FAST, ME NO F*** DEER!"
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