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Joke Collection #8
Introductory Chemistry at Duke University has been taught for about a
zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is
semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever,
so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry
and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and
labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These
two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they
decided to go up to Virginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers
and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final
then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain
to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but
that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the
final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that
Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each
of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the
first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions
and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be
easy." They did that problem and then turned the page. They were
unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said
(95 points) Which tire?
Subject: Questions about love, marriage and sex .
Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10.
Their answers below are enlightening:
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and
you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
(Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!" (Tom,
5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
(Mike, 10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a
big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the
wedding."
(Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if
anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it
with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
(Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody
to clean up after them!" (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I
don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with
how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
(Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the
rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
(Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want
to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family,
it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
(Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
(Christine, 9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid
good money for them." (Dave, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons'
is on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been
trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
(Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
enough."
(Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have
tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
(Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
(Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she
likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
(Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN
LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's
in love."
(John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold.
Other people care more about the food."
(Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They
like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are...on
fire."
(Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of
you."
(Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over
you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take
out the trash." (Randy, 8)
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