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Joke Collection #21
THE DOG IN HEAT.... from PROMANCE
A little boy comes in from school and asks if he can take his dog, Molly
for a walk.
"You can't, dear, Molly's in heat." said the mother.
"What's heat, Momma?" asked the boy.
"Your Dad's out in the garage. You better go ask him." said Momma.
"Hey Daddy, I want to take Molly for a walk, but Momma says I can't cause
she's in heat. What's heat?"
Well, the Dad was cleaning some tools in some gasoline. He took a rag,
dipped it in the gasoline and rubbed it all over Molly's rear end. "Don't
worry about it, son. This will fix her." With that the boy took Molly for
the walk.
About twenty minutes later he returned without the dog. "Where's
Molly,son?" the Dad asked.
"She ran out of gas about two blocks away, daddy." answered the boy,but
don't worry, one of the neighbor's dogs is pushing her home."#022#
HI-TECH WARS.... from KatHavnFun
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant
that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant.
"Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang
Bang'." "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible)
recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and
attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab
Stab'." The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his
broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the
broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear.
The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab
Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is
clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety
Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!"
repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang!
Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the
recruit into the ground, and says... "Tankety Tank Tank."
THE FINER POINTS OF A MISTRESS..... from KatHavnFun
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits
of a mistress.
An artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of
being discovered.
A lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce,
bankruptcy.
Not worth it. Too many problems.
A computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with
my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
OUTHOUSE ADVENTURES..... from Kathavnfun
A man stops into this little backwoods restaurant for lunch, and after
finishing his meal he inquires the way to the rest room.
He was told that it's around the back of the building he heads through
the back door, finds the outhouse and takes a shit, only to discover
there's no toilet paper. But there is a sign on the wall that reads,
'Wipe yourself with your finger, then insert the finger into this hole,
and your finger will be cleaned with great attention.
So the man wipes up and sticks his finger through the hole.
On the other side is standing a little boy holding a brick in either hand,
who claps them together at the sight of the finger poking through.
The guy screams in pain, yanks his hand back, and starts sucking on
his finger....
Did ya ever just wonder ..... from Sculpt2
How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the
battery is dead?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
You know how most packages say "Open here".What is the protocol if
the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings do orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask
them what time it is?
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk ?
The light went out, but where to ?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they
already know you don't have?
Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
How come when I call Information they can't tell me where my keys
are?
Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a
Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe
is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the
taxi driver end up owing you money?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the
other trees make fun of it?
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