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Collection #24
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Joke Collection #24
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the
young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste,
nothing will."
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next
to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about
it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It
identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish
men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill.
What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps
his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over
and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and
I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later,
he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear,
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but
Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?"
she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to
put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...
she got fired too."
A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma
for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of
just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and
tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try
rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs
her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out and
tells the doctor. The doctor says this is amazing and is a real break
through.
The doctor then suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will
wait outside s it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a
sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happend to
which the man replies "She choked."
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts
the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll
remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each
of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man
removed his genitals- unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first
of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle".
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