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Joke Collection #22
THILLY GIRL.... from promance
Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his friend Zeus, were up in Valhalla,
when Thor said to Zeus, "Zeus, it's been a long time now.
I really need to have sex."
Zeus stood and thought for a while, before replying, "Go to Earth Thor,
and find a "prostitute", and have sex with her.
The next day, Thor came back to see Zeus. "Zeus," he said, grinning
"It was wonderful. We had sex 20 times!."
"20 times?" exclaimed Zeus "Go and apologize now!".
Thor went back down to earth and found the prostitute,
"I'm sorry about last night, but you see, I'm Thor.."
"You're Thor?! " Shouted the prostitute. "You're Thor?! I can't even
pith!!!"
Top 10 Signs you have nothing to do at work....from Swtangeliz
10: Develop Repetitive Stress Disorder from playing Solitaire.
9: You've actually figured out a way to get Gilligan off that island.
8: People only come into your office to borrow pencils from your
ceiling.
7: To exercise your creative side, you knit a computer cozy.
6: You create an on-going e-mail dialog with your computer at home.
5: No longer content with merely photo-copying your butt, you now scan
it and enhance it with Photoshop.
4: After months of taking frequent breaks, you now require only a single
can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarves.
3: You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces
images of Elvis.
2: The 18-hole par 3 mini-golf course in your office.
1: The 4th Division of Paper clips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and
General White-Out has called for a new skirmish.
USED PARTS..... from Swtangeliz
They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old
times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time,
still deep in conversation. But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that
Chas was very well endowed. "I say, that's a remarkable donger you have
there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark. "Wasn't always that way,"
replied Chas. "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these
days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley St, England. Cost a
thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent."
Fred was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to
the Old Dart first thing. It was a good six months later before he ran
into his old cobber once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him
that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. "But
Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You were diddled. I
got mine for $500, not a thousand." Chas could hardly believe it. Same
address in Harley St, same doctor. Complaining that he had been ripped
off, he asked Fred if he could have a look. Once more they lined up at
the porcelain and when Chas took a peek over the partition the worried
frown which had creased his face disappeared. "No wonder," he laughed.
"That's my old one!"
SIGNS OF THE TIMES.... from Swtangeliz
Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."
Sign Outside a radiator repair shop in a small midwestern town.
"Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."
Sign in a realtor's office:
"Lots for little."
Sign in a shoe store:
"Come in and have a fit."
Sign in a maternity clothes store:
"We are open on labor day."
Sign in a non-smoking area:
"If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward:
"Push Push Push."
Sign in a bookstore:
"We treat you write."
Sign in an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
Sign in a podiatrist's window:
"Time wounds all heels."
Sign in a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."
Sign on used car lot:
"Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign in a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Sign at a hotel.
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
BATS....from Jevz1ID
This one bat returned from a long hard day's work of collecting
blood. Upon his return to the bat cave, he proceeded to hang from
his perch whereupon a group of his friends noticed the blood from
around his mouth.
They approached him and continually badgered him to tell the
others where he got that blood. Although he was exhausted,
he finally agreed to show the other bats where he got the
blood under the condition that the other bats would leave him
alone. They all agreed. So, the bat left the cave and with
him flew all of the other bats. The flew through the valley,
and over the bushes. The flew around the rocks and past the hills.
Finally the one bat stopped by this one particular tree which
stuck out sharply from the side of a hill and waited for the other
bats to catch up to him. As he and his fellow bats hovered
in front of the tree, he asked,
"Ok all you bats. Do you see this sharp edged tree?"
and they all responded in unison, "Yes?"
Then the bat responded..."Well, I didn't."
Source: Humour From The Edge
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