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Joke Collection #23
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came
for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one
at a
time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little
Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk,
made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his
report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one.
Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot
himself."
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know
which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see
how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because
I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest.
She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because
I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
A group of young businessmen were chatting at the bar, and one
decided to share his most recent embarrassment with the others. He tells t
hem that he was booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but he was so
preoccupied with
the beautiful breasts of the girl to the counter, that instead of
saying "I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh", he said, "I'd like a picket to Titsburg!"!
An older guy nearby hears the story and says, "You know, I had a
similar experience with my wife this morning. We were sitting at the
breakfast table and I meant to say, "Darling, could you please pass the butter" ...
but what came out was, "You bitch, you're ruining my fucking life!"
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a
huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down
upon the small white guy and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small white guy faints !!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping
his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy "What's wrong?".
The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?".
The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."
The small white guy says "Thank god, I thought you said "Turn
around".
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft !"
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