|
Overview
Collection #1
Collection #2
Collection #3
Collection #4
Collection #5
Collection #6
Collection #7
Collection #8
Collection #9
Collection #10
Collection #11
Collection #12
Collection #13
Collection #14
Collection #15
Collection #16
Collection #17
Collection #18
Collection #19
Collection #20
Collection #21
Collection #22
Collection #23
Collection #24
This site is created by Ivan Choe. |
|
||Back|| ||Next||
Joke Collection #15
NEW ENGLISH WORDS OF THE DAY..... from B T I M C A
to subscribe..send message with "OK'' in subject to popu70@rev,net
IGNERT (adjective). Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert
JU-HERE (question).
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently
toured the University of Alabama?"
JUICY (contraction). A question.
GUFF (noun). A deep chasm.
Usage: "Juicy the Guff of Mexico?"
KUMPNY (noun). 1) Business, 2) group of invited guests, 3) a Southern
euphemism for the CIA.
Usage: "Put yo overalls on, Bubba ... kumpny's comin!"
LAYMAN (noun). A tart fruit.
Usage: "Hunny, git me some more of that layman aid!"
A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE.....from Kevin_D_Shaw@compuserve.com
One day, a married couple bore twin sons. They couldn't afford
to keep them, however, so they put them up for adoption. One
of the boys went to a Spanish family and was named Juan. The
other son went to an Egyptian family and was named Amal.
Some years later, Juan became curious about his real parents.
After researching and finally locating them, he sent them a
nice letter and a picture of himself. Upon receiving the
picture, the original mother said "I'm so glad that he's
happy. And what a wonderful picture. I wish we had a picture
of Amal. I wonder what he looks like."
And her husband turned to her and said, "I wouldn't worry about
it. When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
GAL'S OPINIONS... from B T I M C A
to subscribe..send message with "OK'' in subject to popu70@rev,net
.. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
.. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
.. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a woman?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
.. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a
bikini.
.. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
.. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
.. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4,000 stereo in it.
.. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
.. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
.. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
.. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
.. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half
the time.
.. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
.. How do you get a man to exercise?
Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.
.. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions.
GIVE A DOG AN INCE..... from Orbiter875
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. As they sit down at the
counter, the bartender tells them, that no dogs are allowed.
The dog looks up and says, "I don't see any sign posted about
dogs."
To which the bartender looks at them both and exclaims
"Hey! You can talk! This is wild! I'm buying you both a beer".
They both thank him and proceed to enjoy their libation.
After awhile, the man excuses himself to go to the bathroom
and the bartender leans over the bar and asks the dog if he'll
"go over to the 7-11 across the street and ask for change from
a $20 to buy a newspaper. He tells the dog that his friend
across the street would get a kick out of it. In return, he'll buy
beers for the both of them for the rest of the day and keep the
$20 for his trouble.
The dog agrees and taking the $20 in his mouth, walks out of
the bar.
When the man comes out of the bathroom, he asks where his
dog has gone and panics when he is told the dog has gone
outside without him.
He runs outside and begins to cross the street when he
hears a sound in the alley next to the bar. When he turns into
the alley, he discovers his dog humping a French Poodle.
Shock, the man looks to his dog and says "Rex, how could
you? You've NEVER done anything like this before!"
The dog looks up at him and says "Frankly, I've never had
a $20 bill before!"
Ok, so there were two guys who graduated from Harvard and Yale...
They both go to the washroom to pee.
When they are finished, they converge at the sink/counter.
The Yale grad washes his hands, and looks perculiar at the Harvard grad
who doesn't wash them, and instead begins fixing his hair.
Appalled, the Yale grad exclaims:
At Yale, they taught us to wash our hands after we pee...
To which the Harvard grad replys:
At Harvard, they taught us not to pee in our hands....
||Back|| ||Next||
|