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Joke Collection #12
VACATIONING FOOL.... from Promance
An old man, vacationing in Las Vegas, decides to visit a brothel, as it
has been a long time since he's had any. After paying the madam, he
picks out a cute little blonde girl, and they go upstairs.
After the preliminaries, he climbs on and starts humping away, and
hollers out, "How am I doing, honey?" She replies, "About three nots."
He says, "Three knots? What does that mean?"
She says, "You're not in, you're not hard, and you're not getting
your money back!
SHARING HIS LIFE SAVINGS..... from Kevin_D_Shaw@compuserve.com
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding
where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty
feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him,
because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and
behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase
slowly, step by step, hanging onto the bannister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the
hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you,
honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,
"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought
he meant his money!!"
A DRUNK IN LOVE.... from Swtangeliz
Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street,
stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead
of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded
her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with
the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the
woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm
is "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the
same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate". The officers
were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the
woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still
haven't told us where you live. She replied I keep trying to tell you:
"Your Passin It!"
CONFUSED GIRL:.... from RDoctor183
A young girl came home form school and was heard by her mother reciting her
homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son
of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch--"
"Judy!" shouted her mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use
swearwords like son of a bitch."
"But, Mom," replied Judy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to
recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Judy's mother went to school with her daughter and right into the
classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens!" said the teacher.
"That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the
sum of which is four.' "
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT....from Flibinyte
A newlywed blonde is at the drugstore, looking at the men's toiletries.
A clerk comes up to her and asks her if she needs help.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband, but I don't know what
type he uses," said the blonde.
The clerk asks, "Is it the ball type?"
"No," said the blonde, "It's for his underarms."
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