Yackitysmackity

Remind me to put up a different pic for this page...

The Tangent At Hand
.......... This is the part where I pretend that you are in the room with me and I'm just talking out loud. Free flow thought. Rambling. Ranting. Tangenting on my own tangents. Y'know, stuff. I may update this page as seldom as several days at a time, or twenty times a night depending on how wired or bored I am at work. You get the really good quality tangents when I'm hyped up on supercaff. In fact, I think I'll go get some right now. That'll force the creative juices for sure!
.......... Beware! The author of this page does not condone the use of subversive thought, antidisestablishmentarian ideals, Marxist economics, or anything Ford makes. Read the following drivel at your own risk of understanding me.

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18:30EST-WED-8/30/2K

I was in the grocery store the other night trying to decide what I would fail to cook next and I stumbled upon a pregnancy test kit in the cereal aisle. These things will tell you if you're pregnant in just 60 seconds. I'm impressed. While on the subject of sex, scientists have discovered that a person will decide whether or not they will ever have sex with you within the first 4 seconds of meeting you. We should have a device that will tell us if the person we meet would like to have sex with us. Don't you agree?

16:27EST-WED-8/30/2K

While cutting at the vines that were growing onto the side of the house (Kudzu, not ivy) and being a general pain in the arse, I found a little toy Cat-Woman. Not the new one, one of the really old ones. Of all the women from the Bat-Man series, this is one of my favorites. I know, I have said that Bat-Woman was my favorite in the past, but really, is there any way to choose between Cat-Woman, Bat-Woman, or Harley Quinn? It's not possible!

19:06EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Patrick needs some new socks. The poor guy has a collection of the nastiest white socks of any man I know. We've missed his birthday (feb) so the earliest excuse to get him new socks and burn all his old ones would be christmas or a random act of kindness. Random acts of kindness aren't my bag though so it'll have to be some kind of gag instead. Perhaps I'll stuff a piniata with socks and give it to him for Halloween or make it the subject of a party. If you can help out with quarters for the "White Socks for a White Boy" fund, just email me or send me some white socks.

18:04EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Researcher Peter Cochrane of British Telecommunications continues development of his "Soul Catcher" brain-implanted microchip that he believes some day will be capable of recording all of a person's chemical reactions in all senses so as to capture "a lifetime's worth of experience and feeling," according to a June New York Times report. (Already, doctors at a Veterans Administration hospital believe they have trained a patient whose ability to communicate was shut down by a brain-stem trauma; after an implant, he can order a cursor around merely by thinking of where he wants it to go.)

Kick ass!!! William Gibson, how we love thee and the cybernetic dreams of biomechanical integration you've given us to strive for. Oh, how I long to be able to "jack-in" to my hardware for full immersion.

17:05EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Some fun stuff from the web...
Death Rays, by Nikola Tesla
How To Be Evil
News of the Weird

16:15EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Because the air conditioner in our house is old, beat up, and inefficient, our electricity bills have been enough to reduce a grown man to tears. I know -I- cry every time we get our utility bill. In order to help remedy this problem, we turned off the AC and have been using a combination of open windows and fans. By the time I got home last night, it was cold as hell (not an accurate expression but the contradiction makes it fun to say) in the place. As I lay in bed finishing Burning Chrome, the dew must have started to settle and everything was suddenly that uncomfortable dampness that anyone who camps will immediately recognize. In fact, right around 7am when I was laying there bundled under my soggy blanket sleepless because Zak was snoring and my mind was flooded with all sorts of interesting useless thoughts. In fact, it was very much like camping and I could almost convince myself that I was curled up in a sleeping bag with only a millimeter of nylon between myself and the wilderness. Due to the open window, I could hear birds chirping, leaves blowing, and the ominous drone of Zak's snoring. I felt very relaxed by the thought of camping with what must surely be a slowly dying campfire just a few feet away and the smells of fall permeating the air as the dew tainted my hair the way it had tainted everything else around me. The steam whistle of a passing train screamed as it passed by our house and shattered my cozy little woodland world. Next time I go camping in my own room, I'll be wearing my ear plugs.

04:24EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Remind me to vacuum my car...

03:55EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Have you noticed how much popular media affects the socially acceptable practices in our society and defines the roles of the sexes? Just a few years ago, if some guy went up to a woman and tried to pick her up with a line like "hey there sexy mama," he'd probably get damaged. Now, with such pop culture icons like Johnny Bravo, a guy who tries that line might be thought of as funny or witty and not sexist. Thank GOD! I still can't possibly bring myself to hit on complete strangers, but if I did, I might be able to pull off a Johnny Bravo line and hope that the woman likes watching the Cartoon Network. Other potential pickup masters would be Brak, or Zorak (but never Space Ghost because he's such a goober).

03:43EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Most guys have to pay money to see things like this. I just have to hang out with the wild friends I know long enough and I barely even have to instigate. This one was just a generic BBQ. This is Todd. He's a really cool guy and hosted the BBQ. He was especially cool when I found out that he dropped $150 on the BBQ for meat and beer alone. Damn! This is how you feed cute girls all-beef-wieners.

03:26EST-TUE-8/29/2K

I -love- guns. I need to go shooting some time this weekend. I haven't had quality time with my handgun in some time. Granted, .45 ammo is soooo much more expensive than .22 ammo and I don't even dare shoot the 8mm Mauser just yet. I'd be fun though. I always like meeting people who don't know a lot about firearms. Especially people who hate or are afraid of them. I like showing the people the ins and outs of firearms and explain that if they're going to hate something, then at least be able to say that you actually have shot them. Of all the peace loving, gun fearing, vegetarian girls who have gone shooting with me, they all say how enjoyable the experience was afterwards and feel a little bit better about themselves and guns as a result. It's very rewarding to enlighten people like that and show them the wonders of my hobbies. I've taken several of the most whiney, vegetarian, gun-hating, fourteen year old girls shooting and noticed that after firing their first few rounds from a Ruger 10/22, they become very exciting about shooting the "bigger guns". Happiness is the wild-eyed, self empowered look a girl gets after firing a string of sabot rounds from a shotgun and reducing a 55 gallon drum into a twisted mass of smoking steel.

02:36EST-TUE-8/29/2K

Damn, I have too many books I need to finish reading. I'm looking forward to it though. Too bad I've read something like one or two books from seven huge series of books. Dune, Wheel of Time, everything by Terry Pratchet, the collected works of William Gibson, etc. I'm back from an incredible vacation though so things will slowly get back to normal (read: boring) and I'll have plenty of time to finish all the books I'd like to. Damn, that was a KICK ASS vacation. I went to work today dressed up in my favorite double-breasted black suit, black shirt, and blood red tie. Have you seen the outfit that Chow Yun Fat wears in the opening scene from "The Replacement Killers"? It's the exact same thing. How convenient. Everyone at work kept asking me "why are you so dressed up," but the best answer I could give was "because I feel damned good". The dress code in the office is business casual. Why was a suit so out of place? If I wore pajamas to work, nobody would question me. Does this sound similar to something you've gone through? How did a post about reading turn into this? Never mind...

18:09EST-SAT-8/26/2K

"Who's your daddy?"
Heather and I were discussing that expression and how it's come to be the most widely known expression involving the male ego and sexual achievement. It's funny how few men actually realize the pedophile and incest implications of that expression. Anyone who feels the need to scream those words during sex must obviously be thinking of the woman as his little daughter. Perhaps these are the same guys who go bonkers over shaven crotches. (you have no idea how long I sat here staring at the monitor trying to figure out the best way to say those last two words) Just a thought. Let me know your thoughts on the subject or if you've been on either end of this situation.

17:38EST-THU-8/24/2K

This is a neat looking possibility for either a tatoo, or something else for my leather jacket.

17:07EST-WED-8/23/2K

Vacation: Day 4
At the club last night, I must have shaken hands with about twenty people (most of them women) and it's been weird for me to shake hands with people. Not as weird as kissing, but that's a long horror story that involves my father (eww...) so I will spare you. Anyway, shaking hands... I once met a Shoshone Indian chief named Lone Eagle. Aside from explaining that the Hollywood fabricated indian greeting of "How" is not a real word in ANY native American language, he taught me the proper way to shake hands. He asked me how many times I would actually shake someone's hand during a greeting and I first replied "until they stopped shaking their hand". He shook my hand for almost fifteen minutes until he asked me if I got the point yet. Sure enough, I did, and revised my answer to say five times (my lucky number, and all hail Eris!) and he asked me "why, what do you try to express in a handshake". I said "respect, friendship, trust," and two other things I think. He asked me "If you can't express all that in one handshake, why shake hands at all?" Ever since then, I've been very forceful with my one-shake greetings. I've only ever met one other person besides Lone Eagle and I who use this same handshake, and he was a Shriner. Weird, eh?

17:22EST-TUE-8/22/2K

Damn, it appears that I'm reverting back to my old Arcturian Time schedule. I've been living 37 hour days since Thursday. Granted, the most part of this is due to my driving all the time, but the rest is due to just plain enjoying myself. Man, this is soooo much better than my last vacation where I actually never got out of town, and barely left the keyboard (Starcraft). This is really putting a new slant on my trying to decide where to move to next. Granted, this is not a decision with a timeline, it's just inevitable. I am entropy prime.

05:01EST-TUE-8/22/2K

Vacation: Days-2&3
Well, other than getting beat up by a cop and given a ticket, I've been having a blast over the past couple of days! To me, it's still Monday night so I won't write about my Tuesday activities until later this evening. Right now, I'm still a little bit drunk from the club we went to tonight in Tally. Heather has some damned cool friends. I kinda miss FL. I also miss Atlanta to an extent too, but I'm doing well where I am so there I'll stay. Anyway, I had more than my fair share of booze tonight and lost two games of pool. What a night! We then went to the local Mega-Wal-Mart and I discovered that at 5am, nobody thinks twice about a drunken wanker coasting down aisles in a shopping cart until you hit someone. After that, they started to get kinda unfriendly...

21:05EST-MON-8/21/2K

It's official, I'm on a road trip. Sunday night (Monday morning) I was issued speeding ticket number 23. This one was for $171 plus change. This goes onto my list of Top Ten Most Expensive Speeding Tickets of All Time but it's not even close to the top. My magnificent radar detector saved my 115mph ass numerous times but this time I got clocked westbound on I-10 going (luckily) only 90mph in a 70 zone. I was impressed. The cop was in the oncoming traffic lanes and jumped the median in order to pull me over. How could I resist? I sooooo badly wanted the cop to be a cool guy (i.e., one that would jump the median and LIKE it) and walk up to my window saying "YEHAW! I got ya now son," but instead he was very polite and timid. When I wanted to be a cop, I took classes on it and they taught people to be assholes if they wanted to be a cop. That causes the punks to get mad and fuck up, thereby giving the cops more legal rights to search/seize/etc. This cop, however, seemed almost afraid to be there. I'm not THAT scary. Especially since I was dressed in my business casual attire (with Polyester shirt) and listening to Weird Al Yanchovic. Vacation getting expensive. I'm -still- getting my nipples done though, even though I can't remember why I wanted to get them done in the first place. I probably just mentioned it when I was drunk and then decided it would be fun to do.

21:01EST-MON-8/21/2K

Damn, I've been without the internet for over a day (technically) and I've been jonesin' all day. I kept bugging people "Hey man, can I use your computer?" and finally one of them agreed. I'm back on a MAC again. Feels weird. Maybe it's because I'm using a tablet and light pen instead of a mouse and the keyboard feels weirder than Patricks, but who knows. I missed being online. I'm such a geek...

01:44EST-SUN-8/20/2K

Vacation: day-1
I slept through Satruday due to two Ritalin pills, something called an Iron Man, and a 400 mile drive. Right now, I'm drinking with the authors of drunkenlosers.com. Spelling is a chore. Strangely enough though, HTML is still second nature and actually easier than normal spelling. Weird, eh? Back to the booze. You'll see more by me tomorrow.

00:02EST-SUN-8/20/2K

The Official Church Page of the Subgenius More hilarity from the dens of slack.

23:57EST-SAT-8/19/2K

Again, Vernon showed me another good site on the web. This one in particular is about everyone's favorite 1950's door to door salesman and subgenius deity. It answered my questions accurately, so why don't you give it a try?
(legal disclaimer: I will not be held responsible for introducing you to new cults and causing you to sell your soul to C'thulhu or anything else like that.)

23:49EST-SAT-8/19/2K

Damn, to further prove my theory on 242, I looked at my trip odometer on the way down RIGHT as it hit 242 miles. I'm sold.

02:42EST-SAT-8/19/2K

Ever since Vernon introduced me to Front242, he and I have noticed a strange phenomenon. At least once a day, we'll look at a clock and it will say 2:42. In fact, I've been seeing the 242 pattern creep up in more places than one. The same day that I decided that my next chip will be an Athlon, I found out that the slot has 242 pins. Weird...

16:23EST-FRI-8/18/2K

It's Friiiiday, what a day! Feelin' right, party all night...
Ok, fine so maybe those aren't the words. Maybe they aren't even close. Maybe the song was originally about Saturdays. Who knows. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to sing it. I don't even know the words to the song because it's something like an early 80's or late 70's song by some unknown artist. Aaaaanyway, things have been weird in my love-life as of late. It all started a few weeks ago when one of my friends tried to seduce me while she was drunk. This didn't go very far, in spite of both of us being drunk. I know, I know, my little devil kept screaming "what kind of hedonist are you, anyway?". I'm probably going to lose my Hedonist Guild membership for that. I didn't take any condoms for a damned good reason. If I slept with her, she might have wanted a relationship and there was no way I could have provided one. I'm not sure I can right now either. Besides, I think I like her more as a friend and a shooting partner instead. More recently, I've somehow gotten mixed up with a friend of mine and his girlfriend. She swears that they aren't dating anymore and frankly, I couldn't care less. I asked her if she wanted him and she said yes but wasn't too excited about it. She's teetering on the verge of hedonism too. Good girl! I asked him (separately of course) and he said that he wanted her too but didn't have a lot of time to commit to her because of work. Even though I know it'll fail because of three reasons (1: she's high maintenance, 2: he -does- work a lot and this will alienate her, and 3: he's a goober), I felt compelled to offer my assistance to her if she wanted him. She declined my offer but then decided to use me as a tool to try to make him jealous and want her more. Her plans backfired on two counts. 1: I figured out what she was doing, and 2: he's a goober. Now, it doesn't look like she has either of us. I even had the best line prepared if she asked me about my intervention.
"In my reflections of why we are so untrusting of significant others in relationships, it's because we know that they either have, or will cheated on you. We as a society have lost all respect for boundaries of relationships. Granted, I blame hedonism at the same time I cherish it, but this is the undeniable truth. Guys wouldn't need to worry about our women cheating on us if guys as a whole would agree to stop tempting women once we know that they are in a relationship. As such, in order to further benefit the happiness of other guys as a whole, I will acknowledge that I am an asshole and make a conscious effort not to encroach on the romantic interests of others, starting with you."

22:52EST-THUR-8/17/2K

YAY! I have all next week off of work (paid vacation) and intend to spend it in the warmth of Florida. Yes, I know it's already hot as hell up here, but at least while I'm down in FL, I'll be back in familiar territory. I -love- the white/gray sand and the trees with the Spanish moss hanging from them. I love the breezes as they pass by, and the scantily clad women. Mmmm...

The only thing I -don't- like about Florida is the fact that I can never wear jacket (especially my leather one that I'm so fond of) and the sun punishes me for wearing all black on most days.

:::sigh:::

I'm -still- not going to wear shorts.

00:41EST-THUR-8/17/2K

Of all my favorite authors, I keep drifting back to the works of William Gibson. Even with my being such a fan of the Dune series and other sci-fi books, I still can't get enough of the cyberpunk genre that he is so good at bringing to life. Mind you, I think that all Shadow Run books are about as entertaining and well written as an AOL member's home page (IMHO) so I don't even consider them to be a part of the same class of literature. (Special note to Heather: I refuse to read Joyce. Don't ask, I don't have a good reason.)

00:21EST-THUR-8/17/2K

I think I'm going to start doing random reviews and actually posting the results of my spontaneous polls. Soon, this poor little site will be a major mecca of trivial information from high viscosity motor oil breakdown over 10,000 miles of high performance torture driving conditions to the average amount of jouls of energy produced by setting Peeps on fire. I read a stunning review by some guys who decided to find out which was the tastiest Hot Pocket. Needless to say, I am very happy to know which ones tasted better because there is NO WAY IN HELL I would eat them myself to find out. Perhaps I'm too trusting... Who knows. Perhaps I'll begin my review with every flavor of Ramen Noodle and tell you all about my experiences with each flavor. I will gladly suffer through these tests for the educational betterment of the rest of you wonderful people. Even though this means I'll have to suffer through a bag of the fugly Shrimp flavor. :::shudder:::

00:00EST-THUR-8/17/2K

Unfortunately, I was not able (or motivated) to write anything in the past couple of days. I can't even remember what I was doing. I do, however, know that I worked and we managed to get the mound of old pizza boxes and empty coke bottles out of the house and actually thrown away. Mind you, it took three full industrial sized trash bags. Patrick and I kept making Alice�s Restaurant references the whole time. We even had the Volkswagen microbus there to prove it and the cops drove by and looked at us funny. I called and ordered a cable modem so we'll finally be able to get some sort of high-speed access in our house. Thank "Bob" we're going to be able to download MP3's and Warez faster than a speeding UDP packet on a token ring. Also, for the past few days, I've been trying to add a whole new section to this site (to be enjoyed with booze) that can help you find out more about yourself and those reading over your shoulder. I signed the guest book at drunkenlosers.com today. I tried to be funny, witty, and original, but I decided to suck instead.

18:05EST-MON-8/14/2K

Go HERE and find out what your Wu name is. Try it with each of your names and see what combinations yield. I did, however, find that if you do it too much, it starts to repeat itself so I'm trying to find the pattern. Nothing yet, but I'm sure I'll find it. Until then, I (the Inscrutable Drama Queen) will continue to browse the web so you don't have to.

17:09EST-MON-8/14/2K

My car hit 100000 miles yesterday. I feel like it just had a birthday or something. I bought that car (1995 silver Toyota Celica GT) either two or three years ago (memories are short) and it's already on it's second engine and it's eighth set of tires. I blew the hell out of the last engine while I was living in Atlanta. Luckily, Patrick is THE MAN and fixed my car almost single handedly. Did I mention lately that Patrick is THE MAN? He's so cool. It's a shame he doesn't get more play. Ladies, if you'd like to meet a really nice guy who is good with his hands (heh heh heh) then just email me and I'll give ya the details, or email him directly and tell him that he's THE MAN and you'd like to see his handiwork.

03:52EST-MON-8/14/2K

Well, what a pleasant Sunday. I got up, hated life, tried to figure out what I did while I was drunk last night, tried to figure out how I got back home, and then wondered (loudly) why my lower back and neck hurt like hell. Figures. Last time this happened to me, I destroyed my favorite pair of leather trousers. Sheesh... I have -got- to learn to either settle down, or have more money saved up to replace the stuff I tear up. Oh! Wait, never mind. I just got a lovely raise at work. They have deemed my services to be worth an additional 31 cents/hour. It's not as much as I get by just working the hours I do (an additional 90/hour) but It helps. ANYWAY (before I strike off on another tangent about things like trousers and pleats [this chick I know tried to make fun of me because I like wearing trousers with pleats {that's ok though because she's not the snappiest dresser and probably thinks I'm gay anyways ((I'm not, if you've read the sex page you'll already know something about that [[unless you're my grand dad but he's just annoying {{and very very christian}}]]))}]) um... What was I talking about?
I got a digital camera today! (({{[[(((what?)))]]}})) Tangents rule. I like monkeys. Stormy sucks because she doesn't like them. Next time I see her, I'm going to try to attack her with my stuffed beanie monkey collection (this one is for you, poor Gilgamesh [may he rest in peace {bastard}]) just for being uppity and white. Anyway, this page will probably be cursed soon with several pics of me doing things like this and other bizarre stuff soon enough. You've been forewarned.

01:17EST-FRI-8/11/2K

Lucas and I are going to get massages this weekend from an friend of mine. She says that she massages wrestlers and other sports type people for a living. It's funny to imagine a tiny girl like her trying to give a full body sports massage to these mammoth guys. I bust my ass trying to give guys like Pontus a hard backrub where my fingers and thumbs are digging so deep into his back that I swear I'm going to break a rib. Anyway, she wanted me to make sure to tell Lucas that this is not a "Sensual Massage". I almost laughed (Wait, I DID laugh. Never mind) at the thought but I wanted to make sure we were thinking of the same thing. Apparently it's an accepted industry term and it's not uncommon for sensual massages to include oral sex. What a pity. I guess that explains why the Oriental Massage Parlor out in Solway stays open until 3am.

18:49EST-THUR-8/10/2K

It's another fine day here at work. A happy day. A day of joy. Payday. Today started out great! I woke up and enjoyed a scalding shower, hopped online and had no mail and no buddies online to chat with. Granted, this isn't usually a happy thing but today it meant I had time to do other stuff. Namely, I broke out the tool box and tinkered with my car's air conditioner. I tightened one of the belts that has been making this god awful squealing sound whenever I got frisky with the clutch (constantly) or the compressor would kick on again. It's tight, and sweet. Ahem! You people have dirty minds. Anyway, I reloaded my CD changer and popped in the new disk I made with a bunch of Parliament Funkadellic and some various other songs I've been jonesing for like Dennis Leary's Asshole. I grooved to that on my way to work and then I schooled some guys in Unreal Tournament. Yeah! Ever since I dropped thirty bucks on that kick-ass A-Bit slocket for my Celermine, I've been able to play Unreal Tournament on my own computer with much better success than I had with the last one, but I still can't play Starcraft. Those were the only things I've found where the problem occurred. Damn. I'm such a geek. I'm using the hypertext markup language to program a web page to complain about my hardware issues which are causing a software glitch on my computer. I need a woman. Any volunteers? Send your resume to Mr. Roboto and he'll sort through the candidates. Requirements are few and far between but you must be female, must be intelligent enough to be able to understand my sense of humor, must be strong headed enough to compete with me and opinionated as hell. IE: A real bitch. Come to think of it, I've only ever really dated psycho bitches. Man, I love those!

03:07EST-THUR-8/10/2K

Heh heh heh, I'm drunk. You can tell. I'm sure you could tell if you could see me right now or if you paid special attention to my spelling. Anyway, I skipped out of work early and finished two pitchers of cider mostly by my self. I feel -great- and I'm all about life. In fact, I couldn't stop talking about how good life is and stop laughing on the way back home. I could have really used some Funk right about then, but the classic rock (70's) on the radio was pretty good none the less. I made a point to blow kisses and try to make people driving by us laugh. 100% successful. I'm tha man. Anyway, I was sitting outside with two of my friends half-naked in a variety of make-shift seats (the couch was too nasty) and video chairs in order to watch the thunder storm come at us. I was almost struck by lightning as I ran around the yard with a folding metal chair so I sat back down on the video chair (it looks like a banana) and giggled to myself as the lightning danced for us. Damn, it was great! I get soooooo wired during a thunderstorm. It brings all sorts of creative energies to me and I end up doing crazy things (like running around our front yard half-naked with a folding metal chair during a lightning storm). I said that it gives me energy, not makes me smart. I'm still pretty damned drunk. Anyway, I mentioned that I want to get my nipples pierced and Zak (who has his pierced) said that I wasn't man enough to do it. He bet me a quarter (which automatically means it's a life- or-death bet) and so it's on now. I have to win that bet and show him that I really am super psycho obsessive about anything I decide to do. I used to be against piercing, but I have so many scars and holes in my body from the car wreck that it's a moot point now. I have more titanium in me than a set of golf clubs. Zak said that it was really painful but it couldn't be any worse than waking up dead, pulling a catheter out of the end of my penis, or walking on a broken leg for 6 months. Don't let me fool you, I'm not macho, I'm just a big dumb monkey.

19:13EST-WED-8/9/2K

I got a page the other night while I was at work. Apparently it was from Atlanta. It's not often I get a page from out of state so I decided to call and find out who it was. It turned out to be a friend of mine from down there who I haven't heard from in several months (maybe less). She said that she really missed me and was going through "Shane Withdrawal" because I never write her emails, chat with her on AIM, or call her. Naturally I'm not going to call her. I hate randomly calling people on the phone. It just doesn't make sense to me to call someone on the phone unless I have a perfectly good reason to and "visiting" isn't one of them. That's what the internet is for (IMHO). I laughed out loud when she said that she was going through "Shane Withdrawal". I figured that people would be happier without my being around them to cause trouble and drama. Apparently SourGrrl translated my name to mean Drama Queen or something like that in some obscure web page of names. I'll ask where this came from and the actual name. Now I'm curious. Still, it was neat to hear from an old friend again. I feel so loved.

18:28EST-WED-8/9/2K

Man, I've just been busting out all sorts of posts today, haven't I?
I wanna... um... I wanna remember why I started to write this post almost an hour ago (before I got bogged down at work). Sorry.

17:42EST-WED-8/9/2K

Wow, I just read some really old emails from a thread of rabid spammings two or three years ago. Damn, either I was a read dick then, or I'm still a dick now. Several of us were sitting around at a bar the other day and someone brought up the point of my being an asshole since I died. The other two people laughed their asses off and said that I was -soooo- much more calm since then. I've always been very curious about how people view me and naturally, I can't view myself as others do because much like beauty, perception is in the eye of the beholder. I can name some people who think I'm a supreme asshole, or at least mildly abrasive. Anyway, apparently my current state as an asshole pales in comparison to the prick I was before I died 9 times and spent the next 2 years being unable to walk. That was the worst part and I know fully well that I was a supreme dick back then. I was very irritable what with not being able to walk, play paintball, Solar, frolic, or even pour my own glass of milk when the urge struck me to have a tasty glass of milk. I'm too independent. I have this complex about being self-sufficient. That's why I was so snappish when I was in the wheel chair and only marginally better when I was on crutches. Mind you, I wrote my best piece of work while I was confined to that accursed wheelchair on a 286, 12mhz computer with a 40meg hard drive and a monochrome monitor running DOS. That thing was so cool. Too bad that it (and the original copy of the story) burned down. I was heartbroken. Luckily, an angel named AMY MOREL found a very early copy that had already been circulating around the local high school and loaned it to me long enough for me to retype the whole thing and begin making spelling and grammatical changes. Two things I'm not well suited for, but necessary none the less. I would like to dedicate something special to her for her efforts because I could never have recreated the story all over from scratch. I can't think of anything special to dedicate to her off the top of my head right now (I'm at work and believe it or not, I -am- working while I type this) so I guess I'll dedicate the next bottle of champagne I drink. I choose champagne because I haven't found a bottle of wine that I really like, and she might be offended if I dedicate a bottle of tequila or a beer to her. I wouldn't be offended, but we already know I'm an asshole.

17:21EST-WED-8/9/2K

Damn, I love being good at my job. It's rewarding when a problem has passed through the hands of a dozen other people and three different departments, suggested going to the network operations center, and I can fix them simply by doing what should have been done in the first place (reloading the drivers).

16:17EST-WED-8/9/2K

Egads! Another guy who had taken some jimsonweed (I certainly hope I'm spelling it right) showed up at our house last night and he seemed normal for about an hour. Apparently the effects last almost 12 hours depending on your weight/intake ratio and you don't sleep while you're on it. I went to bed shortly after the guy showed up (because I didn't care) and woke up when I heard someone crash into the wall. My door fell open a little bit and I heard this guy pissing on my room-mate's bedroom door. By far, the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. All night I would wake up to the sound of people trying to lead this guy around the living room. Guinea Pig. When I ventured carefully out of my room, watching where I stepped, nobody was home but some rat bastard left an alarm on depriving me of precious beauty rest (I need all I can get). I'm starting to get kinda scared about the whole jimsonweed thing. It always starts like this in horror movies. First, someone you don't know gets infected/abducted/killed/replaced with a pod person, and then shortly afterwards it's someone you know. Then, it's multiple people you know. Then, it's everyone -except- for you. Then, there is a horrible blood bath and you survive either alone or with the romantic interest of the movie. I hope this is the second kind of movie. I can see it now. "Invasion of the Jimsonites". I always knew I'd be in a B-movie.

04:41EST-WED-8/9/2K

Last night I went over to someone's house and watched some guy stumble around after taking a bunch of jimsonweed. Apparently it's quite the hallucinogen. I'm not into drugs of any kind (I even abhor Tylenol) but it was fascinating to watch this guy and try to understand what was going on in his mind. His perception of the real world was 0%. He walked right into walls, sat in the trash can, swam on the floor, mumbled a lot, picked at things in the air and on the floor that weren't there, and smoked cigarettes that he -thought- he was holding. I got bored after only twenty minutes but I left my video camera for them to film the guy. I'll stick to my booze, thank you very much.

04:31EST-WED-8/9/2K

So, I just saw a few more movies... Some were good, some were bad, and some were best left unviewed. So I Married An Axe Murderer is just plain awesome and as funny as they come. If you haven't watched it, it is a moral imperative. YOU MUST! Anyway, on to the next movie. Flesh Gordon. Granted, I couldn't maintain concentration on the movie as I was rapidly distracted, but from what I -did- pay attention to, it's one of those movies that you should watch with booze, mixed company, or both. Both would probably lead to association of good times with that movie. It started out really cheesy and went down hill from there. FAST. Worth renting if you're having friends over and like to talk during films. It lends itself to MST3K atmospheres very easily. Next on the list is Blood Orgy of the She-Devils. I swear that I have more in my pocket RIGHT NOW than the entire budget for this film. It might have been good if I could stay awake through the whole thing. Plenty of babes and promise of gratuitous breast shots, but the world may never know. I sure won't. Maybe I'll try watching it again when I'm not about to go to bed and Patrick isn't already asleep on the couch.

19:52EST-TUES-8/8/2K

HERESY! Sourgrrl (Stormy) may be a heretic, but we of the Church of the Perpetually Buttered Elvis shall still forgive her margarine spreading, monkey hating, no Elvis liking, no quarter having, not understanding who Milk and Cheese are, soul purely because we can and it makes us seem like we're superior. When our shipment of ACME Flying Monkey Things (as featured in the Wizard of OZ) then we will send some her way to hide nearby or fly around and just go EEK EEK EEK all the time. Maybe we'll even send some to do nasty things to her computer. No... wait... she's already using Windows and AOL. What more could we do? I personally believe that she's a closet monkey-lover. She bought me a stuffed monkey once and has drawn several monkeys just to amuse me. Makes you wonder, eh?

00:01EST-TUES-8/8/2K

I don't do Mondays.

19:12EST-SUN-8/6/2K

And here you thought I never posted on weekends! Mostly that's true but today is laundry day and the fact that I'm ripping my entire CD collection is taking an insane amount of time too. I was pondering something earlier. Recently, one of my theories of human nature proved itself to be true once again. Back when I joined the Marine Corps, I was dating a girl and in a fit of insanity, I proposed to her. I couldn't quite explain what I was thinking. Me, your faithful narrator, being married seems as alien a thought to myself as would the thought of routinely ingesting shards of broken glass for amusement. I saw an episode about that once. It was Japanese shock-tv. Cool stuff. Anyway, I noticed that everyone I knew who joined the armed services who had a woman at the time would propose to them shortly before shipping off. I've seen this happen 5 times so far so I believe I'm onto something. The best way I could explain the motivation is that the guys wanted to have some link to their civilian lives outside the service. That way, they won't lose touch with what's going on back home and have something else to look forward to once they get out (if they choose to only stay in for the basic 4 years) and as a means to keep hold of the person they used to be. If you know anyone who's been through the service, you have probably noticed that they usually change in some way or another. This is their link to their old selves. Sure, they never wind up getting married, but having a fianc�e on the outside during boot camp is just another thing to help keep you from breaking. "Pyle, what are you doing with that rifle in my head?" Good movie by the way. The imagery of a platoon walking through a burning city while singing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song sticks with you.

17:28EST-SUN-8/6/2K

It's official. George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic are the bomb. I'm gonna have to actually buy one of their albums. Sure, I could burn a CD from the collection of MP3s I have or from my friend Patrick's Vinyl album, but I would like to contribute to their pockets in hopes that they will make more good stuff.

16:22EST-SUN-8/6/2K

Good morning everyone. After sleeping off the nasty headache I had ever since we went cliff jumping yesterday, I awake fresh and anew. Some of you probably don't know what cliff jumping is and I'll assure you that it doesn't involve parachutes, bungee cords, or coyote death. It just involves tall cliffs, half-naked idiots, the occasional beer (suckers!), and a large body of water. I was only half prepared this time. I forgot to bring my towel, but I did remember to bring a change of clothes so I could get out of my swimming trousers. I don't wear shorts. Not even before the accident, but now that I have an ass-load of scars it would almost be tempting. Too bad I don't own a pair and can never justify spending money on them myself. However, my swimming trousers were excruciatingly tight so I might hack them up and use them instead. It won't solve the tightness problem, but it'd be fun to cut them up.

00:36EST-SUN-8/6/2K

Well, I'm drunk. It's a good thing. You might see a few more spelin erorrs than usual because of it. Please excuse them. Anyway, I got a great letter in my email today. It was from my favorite ex-girlfriend. She's finally back in country and has invited me to visit her in Florida. I meant to go to Florida a few months ago but every single one of my 11 plans went to hell at once. I blame this on the girl I was hanging around at the time. Sure, it's fun to be able to tell people that you seduced an erotic dancer from a tattoo artist, but when it all comes down to it, things got stupid pretty quickly. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Things are kinda cool right about now. I'm drunk, people around me are drunk, and we're being amused by the littlest things. George Clinton and the Parliament are the bombdiggity (don't ask, I don't know). Anyway, I like it much and a lot. I think I'll start listening to less techno and more funk. That would explain why I like Daft Punk so much. Too bad I need to work on my stereo more before it'll sound good at loud volumes. I've got this annoying part in both of my doors (silver 1995 Toyota [Yeah!] Celica two door sports death-trap of joy) that makes an annoying rattle whenever I listen to things like Daft Punk that have some good low resonance frequencies (around 50-120hz) so that means I either have to take it and like it, listen to it at a less than ear shattering volume (heresy!) or hold my elbow against the pannel in this one spot to keep it from rattling. I've tried just about every cheap fix I can think of and once I get the car repainted, I'll try more expensive fixes (Dynamat or something) before getting pissed off. Party calls. Fare thee well.

21:02EST-THUR-8/3/2K

Damn. I've built up a tolerance to sugar and caffeine again. Now, I feel like I should be doing something but I'm too tired to do it. It's amazing I'm actually updating the page right now. I hate building up tolerances to good things like caffeine. Why, can't I build up a tolerance to alcohol? I'm still pretty much a cheap date. Granted, I'm not the heaviest guy in the world so I don't have the alcohol to mass ratio working for me. Don't listen to me. I'll probably wind up complaining one day that I have to drink 10,000ml of cider (beer sucks) or a full liter of tequila just to get a buzz. I never considered myself a whiner but I guess I am. Damn, I suck. Not as bad as Stormy though. I don't hate monkeys. I'm not prejudice or anything like SOME Irish people I know. The only people I hate are hermaphroditic French-Canadian midgets that jay walk. You'd be surprised how many I meet in day to day life. Fuckers.

20:05EST-THUR-8/3/2K

Well now, I know I was slack yesterday and didn't even bother to post at all. Cope. I know -I- coped fairly well without it. There were several things that I thought about and even had an urge to update the page to quell these wonton desires, but I still managed to avoid actually doing it. I'm lonely. I can't find my collection of stuffed monkeys. Stormy sucks because she doesn't like monkeys. Loser.

00:07EST-TUES-8/1/2K

Saturday night, Lucas and I went to a LAN party. We took alcohol with us as an emergency backup plan. Good thing we did, or else I would have been mad that the 2 of us installed 4 NICs in 8 hours 16 different ways and kicked the machine 32 times. You're probably expecting me to mention 64 right now aren't you? ONLY 128 MORE DAYS UNTIL NATIONAL DUCK TAPE DAY!