21:35EST-SUN-5/26/2002
- Heh, I broke down and got a cell phone today. I've fought it for a long time but I've finally joined the 21st century. I remember back when I was in high school and I was doing things that weren't quite legal and I had a pager. The fucker was $60 a month, but I sure got my money's worth out of it. Even after I went legit I still found that it was useful enough to keep. Luckily, the prices started to drop for service as kids everywhere started to get them. I was happy about that. Actually, the one I have now doesn't get much use but it makes a -great- alarm clock. I love my watch and all, but it simply isn't loud enough to shake me out of sleep these days. It'll certainly be priceless during my job while I'm driving around and have a need to call someone. What with pay phones being .50 just about everywhere I go these days the phone will pay for itself. Yeah, that's it... That's how I'll justify spending so much on the most shiney one they had. Now I'll have another toy to use with my ear-mic.
4:39EST-SAT-5/25/2002
- Ladies, I'm about to break a secret that has been kept for hundreds of years by men everywhere. That's right, all men have been keeping a secret from you women for ages. It's been a secret handed down from generation to generation during puberty to the males of each family. There is a perfectly good reason why most men suck in bed. We do that on purpose. Our theory is that if women are constantly unfulfilled sexually, they will constantly want more sex in their quest for satisfaction. This makes it easier for us to get more sex with tempting promises of sexual bliss. We talk big, but it turns out that talk is the only thing that's big. Unfortunately, some guys are too selfish and egotistical to think of the greater cause for men in general and actually satisfy the women they meet. They raise the bar of expectation along with it. We call these guys Picket Breakers or Scabs like the traditional strike terminology. Now you know. Most guys will deny all knowledge of the secret strike, but that's to be expected since this is very important to men in general. Guys, I'm sorry for telling the secret after all the deeds of all the guys today and in history who have happily kept the secret strike going for the greater good of all men's sex lives and rest assured that while I might not have been able to bear the weight of the secret to the grave, I will continue to keep the strike. That's right, I will continue to suck in bed! Unity my brothers! Together we shall score!
2:37EST-SAT-5/25/2002
- Old people must die because they feel like they want to. While working tonight, I drove by an old elementary school I went to for a year. The whole thing had changed so much that I didn't recognize anything about it except for an old swing set and some trees. You never forget a place where you got in trouble, right? Anyway, I was depressed again so I drove by all the other schools in Oak Ridge that I used to go to. Three of them had been remodeled or had extensive additions made to them and one was gone entirely. In its place stands a playground where stoners go after dark to light up and think that every car that drives by is a cop. I drive by another one every day as I go to/from work and it doesn't appear to have changed one bit. One pre-school is still there, but another one has been boarded up and condemned. That leaves only two other buildings to check out before my suspicions are confirmed. One is here in OZ but it's out of the way. The other one is somewhere in Florida. I'll certainly not be buzzing that one any time soon. Now I know even better what it must have been like for my father the last time we went to his home town of St. Cloud, Florida, for a family vacation (when we still did that sort of thing). Instead of finding a 1950s style small town with a population of two or three hundred people we were found that St. Cloud was incorporated into the Greater Metropolitan Area of Kissemee, St. Cloud, Orlando, Disney World. A theme park reached critical mass and a population boom exploded to obfuscate boundaries between the (once) independent small towns and infest it with millions of Mickey Mouse t-shirt stores. If you've been there, you know. My father cried briefly and tried not to let me see it, but I knew something was wrong when he got too choked up to continue telling me I was worthless. He said something then that didn't make much sense to me then but would have been much easier to understand now about no longer having a home town to go back to anymore or something like that. That was a long time ago and I frequently forget exact dialogs in favor of meanings instead of words. Unless it's from a movie, and then it's trivia. Generations come, get old, and die off. Changes come and go. The changes of the world as whitnessed by someone can be a very jading experience. The world someone (like my grandfather) grew up in no longer exsists. It's easy for someone who doesn't go to great lengths to change with the world around them to get left behind. Antiquated. Obsolete. An added kick in the pants was that I (and most of the people around me) grew up with our parents listening to "classic rock" stations which played 60s and 70s rock and roll. I drove around lamenting the changes of childhood memories as I listened to my new favorite radio station. They play 80s music. I decided already that when they come out with a 90s station, I have no desire to listen to it. I detest the vast majority of the bands that came from that era. That's where all the 'whiney white kid' music came out. Angsty teen metal with new names to distinguish it from its root influences. Punk, Gothic, Heavy Metal, these are all terms that the kids my age are familiar with but I blinked in confusion as a girl I know tried to describe to me what Emo was all about. She said some things and eventually decided that she liked the terms Gothic and Punk as her choice. I beg to differ. You will not find Blink 182 and their ilk in -my- CD collection. Fuck, I'm getting old. I had to turn my stereo down today. That's going to fuck me up the next time I go shooting and forget to wear my earplugs (as usual). As I drove around, I wondered if the world was leaving me hehind faster than I realized. I thought about my father's father who still owns a house in St. Cloud but never goes there. He prefers to travel around the U.S. in a camper doing church things or something. It probably hurts him worse to go back 'home' than it does my father. I've watched my little town change in a number of ways. I was talking to a co-worker about a subdivision that I referred to as being -new- and decided it was almost ten years old. Shocking revalation. I see old people sitting around or meandering about with thousand yard stares and I wonder if they've been in a war or if they just really want to go back home but the home they want to go back to doesn't exist anymore. Maybe that's why they die. They give up. My great grandmother lived to be something like either 101 years old or 111. We're not quite sure. Something having to do with different dates on the birth certificate and marriage liscense. Weird, eh? Anyway, I think the only reason she lived so long was that she had no idea what was going on around her. Complete memory blank. I've spent entire weekends at her place and had to say nothing more than the same three sentences. In order. As soon as I walked around the corner or she looked away for half a second, I was someone new again and the conversation would begin all over again. Who are you? Shane. Do you know Gerald? Yeah, he's my father. Oh! How old are you? 16 (at the time). I was going to make flashcards but my father figured out why I was looking for a magic marker and index cards and told me to cut it out. Think she would have been insulted? Would she remember to not like me for more than 30 seconds? I tried to amuse myself by coming up with new and interesting answers to her questions but I ran out of people and backstories to go along with my new identity every two minutes and had to revert to being myself again. How boring. Remind me to die violently again some time before I become a burden. Or at least before I launch into another long winded morbid tangent like this one.
23:37EST-SUN-5/19/2002
- I am so much happier in life with my new job than with the last one. Working in a call-center trying to support a product that the parent company did not know how or want to make reliable was a real pain in the ass since all the complaints came to me and not them. I almost never appologize for things I do and I certainly hated appologizing for my job day in and day out. The strain got to me after a while. I was coming home every morning emotionally and mentally drained. The only thing that left me ok with was physically since there wasn't much action involved in the day other than pacing back and forth when I was really aggrivated. Pacing doesn't do much to burn off all the double quarter pounder cheeseburgers I was eating from McDonalds on a daily basis (oh how I love them!) so I didn't have much time and energy left for myself when not at work. Sure, being a pizza delivery dude does not have much respect associated with it, but it is excersize and I make about the same ammount of money per hour after everything is said and done. I don't work as many hours, but when I go home I am still energetic and mentally and emotionally groovy. This allows me to be much happier with my spare time. I don't hate my life so much these days and I get a chance to play and communicate with my friends far more. That's priceless.
2:01EST-FRI-5/17/2002
- I liked SWE2 far better than episode 1. Less Jar Jar being a bargain, and so much action that I had a field day. Chuck, my young badewon bastard, still managed to find something in it that he says ruined the whole movie for him. Fine. I guess I'm not surprised by that. Still, I think I'll actually spend money on this one to add it to my home collection. It goes a long way towards making up for the first one's obvious marketing attempt to draw in the younger crowd with Jar Jar as comic relief. When I was a kid and saw the Star Wars films with my parents, I loved the movies because of the fighting, not the ewoks. But, that's just me.
2:15EST-WED-5/15/2002
- If everyone jumped off of a bridge, would you do THAT too? For once I enjoy living in Tennessee. On the other hand, I'm very litteral at times and this brings about great confusion. The only time my mother ever asked me that, I honestly thought about it before answering. I was too young and inexperienced to answer like I can now. I have two perfect answers to that question and I would be hard pressed to choose between one of the two when (if) the time comes. If everyone else were jumping off of a bridge, I suppose they would have to have a good reason for it. If that reason made sense to everyone else, I suppose it would be good enough for me too. We are creatures who are defined by what we have learned and most of that is learned from others. What we know to be normal is only because others do it. Wear clothes as opposed to being naked, sexual preference, arts, religion, use soap, the whole fasion industry, what foods we think are nasty or delecasies, religion and the whole way we view sex. Different societys on Earth have different ways to view all of these things and so it's not inconcievable that a human culture would emulate that of lemmings to control population booms to jump off of bridges. Besides, bridges around here are not very high, and other than the water being rather cold at times, it's very fun jumping from them. Some of them are rather high and that just makes the rush that much more enjoyable. So, now that I know I would jump off a bridge if everyone else were doing it, I have a perfectly good smart-ass answer to that age old question meant to shut up kids who like to use the excuse; Everyone else is doing it, why can't I? I'm going to use that line as often as I can until someone asks me if I would jump off a bridge. The problem there is that I'm not a big fan of doing things that everyone else is doing. Damn, caught by my own obscurity.
2:12EST-WED-5/15/2002
- Spiderman wasn't believable.
1:57EST-WED-5/15/2002
- Today is my father's birthday. I must remember to send him an email or say hi or something. Plus I get to play Airsoft again. Yay! And then go to driving school. Must remember to do that this time... Sounds like a full day. I hope it works out as planned.
0:38EST-TUE-5/14/2002
- I've been trying to update this page since Saturday night. I think I'll do just that. I'll lump the past couple of days worth of stuff here.
Saturday- Sleep comes hard to those who are going into battle the next day. Even if it's a little skirmish with paintball or airsoft guns. Anticipation is a killer. I tried to sleep for six hours but kept getting up to pack something I knew I would need and probably forget to pack in the morning. I just couldn't seem to get the rest I really wanted. Managed to read 1/8th of a book though. That was a bonus.
Sunday- Mothers Day. I can't find my mom. Tried calling her, but had to leave a message. I think the last time I talked to my mom was on her Birthday. I'm a lousy son. Oh well, I'm off to go play some Airsoft now.
Monday- The Airsoft was great fun! Even on Stackers I managed to tire out too quickly. I'm getting too old to think I'm 19. Maybe I'll start thinking I'm 20 for a while. That was all too evident when I woke up this morning after all the drinking we did after the game last night. It was either that or the marathon sex I had (a welcome break in a dry spell) before making the mistake of staggering into the living room to lock my server. Apparently I figured that it would be a good time to rotate the passwords on my computers. I forgot to change the password on my workstation and changed the password but forgot it on my server. I've tried something like 500 passwords ranging from 5 likely choices to 495 random words that I figured I would think were cool when I was drunk. No luck. At least it still works as a file server.
22:17EST-FRI-5/10/2002
- Please, someone give me some good news... It started with getting hacked again and was followed up with a brand spanking new hard drive catching on fire. I was so mad, I went to work.
3:08EST-FRI-5/10/2002
- Yay! Limited success with the server. It's back to being only -mildly- annoying but I still have to transfer something like six thousand (no exageration) files from one drive to another because the source drive keeps shutting down making group transfers unreliable. All this to save 30+ gigs of MP3s. Is it worth it? After going through these by hand and trying to save the files, I have given up on entire directories that I don't recognize or blatantly dislike. Garth Brooks, this means you. I'm down to the L directory now and I am seeing more and more stuff in there that can only be the doing of Patrick. I never knew Huey Lewis and the News made so many songs. Oh well. The ex-party page is back up and running again so you can view all the photos you don't like here and I've even managed to reinstate the mail server with all of it's little add-ons and configurations in a single hour. If you had an email address @jadedassholes.myip.org before, you have it again. I'm set the FTP site back up once I get the drives squared away again and I'll change the passwords to something I can remember for a change. (smile)
19:38EST-WED-5/8/2002
- Yay! My replacement drives for the server have finally arrived. I had two 40 gig drives in it that started to die so I called Maxtor and told them my plight. They were kind enough to send me two 80 gig drives to replace the ones that are dying and I spent all day yesterday doing my happy dance before trying to actually put them in and begin data salvage operations from the dying drives. That's where I am now. I'm mad, frustrated to the point of tears, and exhausted beyond the help of speed. In fact, I've run out of speed (just Stacker 3 pills so don't worry) trying to finish the project before work tomorrow. Wish me luck. I desperately want to finish it. People have already expressed their dissapointment about not being able to view what remains of the party page, use the jadedassholes email addresses, or use the FTP site. Hopefully those services will be back up by the end of the week. Right now it seems like I'm just trying to coax blood from a stone. Hopefully having money in my pocket again and a party in the next couple weeks or so will wipe my tears away. I know it'll definitely help me get back into Airsoft with my newfound passion. It's summer time again and time to shoot our friends! If you're interested in playing, let me know.
22:54EST-SUN-5/5/2002
- Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's like the 4th of July but more Corona and less fireworks. Still, I have enjoyed it immensely. I got to meet someone really cool today, got to know someone else who -I- think is cool (but I've been forewarned to avoid her and we all know how that goes) just a little bit better and feel horrible that I could never remember her name. I couldn't tell her how I simply can't remember people's names. That wouldn't have worked out well so I just said that I sucked and begged for her forgiveness. Time will tell.
20:04EST-SAT-5/4/2002
- Well the meeting went better than I expected, but not as well as I had hoped. Oh well. On another subject, I want an Otter. Otters are cool. I'd just have to keep it out of my aquarium, and that might be tricky since they're so curious. Still, wouldn't that be neat? Maybe just a fox...
13:49EST-THU-5/2/2002
- Golly, I've sure been out of touch with this page on my little vacation here. I hadn't realized I've been vacationing for over a month now. Bills are piling up and I'm getting the spending fever again. I have a not-so-short list of things I want to spend money on. New guns, new airsoft guns, CDs, DVDs, neat stuff for my car to make it look good again like it did before I got my hands on it and neglected it all this time (story of my life), and of course some new computer stuffs. Speaking of which, many many people have commented that the party page with all the pics was down. True. Not one, but BOTH of the hard drives that are in my server are on their last leg. I've stopped hosting directly, killed 68% of the tasks that it's running, and have been trying to back up onto CD the 30gigs of MP3s, 22gigs of Pr0n, 30gigs of movies and tv shows that we've pulled down to burn, and the prerequisite 5gigs of operating system which includes the web page and mail server. I'm back to using my old Hotmail account until I fix everything. New drives are on the way. ETR; one week. Wish me luck. While we're on the subject of luck, wish me luck in my feeble attempt to find temporary employment today. I say temporary because I'm not quite decided to join the real world work force just yet. I just want to make a little bit of quick money and do some studying for a more permanent solution. I figure that working pizza delivery (even with my driving record) would be a good way to make some quick cash to pay off bills for a couple of months. Hell, maybe I'll go back to school. I still can't decide what I want to be when I grow up and that's been the problem for ten years now. Nothing else appeals to me since my original plan was stolen from me. Ah well, I'm sure I'll manage. I'm sorry to inform you that I don't give up that easily so you're still stuck with me. Nyah! Oh, something of note, I may have made a new friend on the web. She found this page through a rather bizzare channel and we started talking. This promises to be interesting...
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