0:29EST-THU-12/27/2001
- I want to change my buddy icon to a bag of ramen noodles. This will take some doing. I have discovered that nobody seems to have made one yet, and at the same time, the idea was not mine. I was looking through the search keywords that frequently brought people to this page (a shrine to my own delicate ego) and laughed out loud by some of them. Mostly it was searches by Google because people have taste and realize that it is a superior search engine, and AOL probably has me filtered. Good for them. Some highlights of the popular search strings were;
- gay midget clown porn
- squirrel genitalia
- ramen buddy icon
- upload ugly dumb people pics
- sitewwwgeocitiescom pics drunk sharpie
- girls in wet towels pics
- donkey punches dirty sanchez
- drunk sharpie pics
- me myself and irene dildo pictures
- chocolate lump of coal party favor
- how to cheat on a bartending test answer
- similar web site to consumptionjunctioncom
- the best way to hack into neopetscom
- tony danza starcraft
- business casual crutches
- is penis size effected by testosterone
- how to overcome oversleeping
- babysat backrub breasts
- incriminating pics mcdonalds
- what sex site i can get on whithout my school knowing
- drunken sharpie
- 300 remington ultra magnum
- does the trojan extended pleasure condom work
- magnum condom box shot
- ar-15 xm-177
- guatemala 223 ammo
- field stripping usp
- large free 11 inch penis pics
- penis and tucking pics
- beer sharpie pics
- tighty whities gallery
- sitewwwgeocitiescom pics drunk sharpie
- configuring my internet cable
- tequila comparison taste test
- maruchan picante chicken
- unreal tournament goth patches
- naked airsoft girls
- wanker sites
- man in tiny car pic
I realize that the web can be an incredible resource for finding every single absurd bit of info and pirated media you could ever want, but all these search strings (all of which true and verifiable) seem laughable. It brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. I rather liked the idea about the ramen noodles buddy icon and I might as well make one for everyone to have. If I can make a buddy icon of my own penis, this should be no problem. To everyone who happened upon my site by accident and did not find the info you wanted, I am very sorry you didn't find the info here, I hope you enjoyed what you did read, and you are one sick fuck. I like you already.
21:20EST-WED-12/26/2001
- It's almost time for another drastic change in my life. Some dramatic life altering experience. I think I'll join the Peace Corps.
18:11EST-WED-12/26/2001
- Um.... I forgot.
23:58EST-TUE-12/25/2001
- All hail Eris! The day is paved by those in the know. Their knowledge is dubious as I only ask them questions they don't know the answers to. It saddens me that the truth is so obvious only the fool dares to ask for the answer. We now work for the masters of infamy, the harbinger of doubt, and his nephew. I'd quit but they pay me better than a grave. Life can be summed on the face of a quarter (if you print really small). Kalisti! All hail Discordia! It's full verses can be found here. Print it. Read it. Burn it. Embrace fallacy, as it is the new and improved truth, now with more flax!
2:42EST-SAT-12/22/2001
- It all started with a roll of tickets. Trips to Wal-Mart always seem to turn into something just completely wrong. Last night's trip was no exception. I saw a roll of tickets for a couple of bucks and it reminded me of the fun raffles that we used to have at some of our earlier parties. Of course, they were rigged, but I wanted this one to be special. Especially since with these tickets, it would be so easy! The only question now was to figure out what kind of prizes? They had to be something either a man or a woman would enjoy winning so I had to think unisex. They had to be humorous or they wouldn't be worth doing. Also, they had to be cheap or we couldn't afford to do it. After all, this IS holiday season and we're not made of money. The only thing to make this work would be to choose prizes that were not too expensive, but that everyone would want to be proud of winning. We thought of one that I won't name. That'll be first prize. We thought of another that would be fun at the same time too but we didn't know where to find king sized tubs of Vaseline in Wal-Mart. Lucas offered me a bright shiny quarter if I asked. I like quarters. I looked around and found two old ladies that worked there talking about something or other and decided to ask them. I walked right up and with a wicked grin, I asked where they kept their Vaseline. They both stopped talking and just looked at me for a second. Finally, one asked me what size I wanted. THE BIGGEST YOU HAVE! She led me to their supply but I was unimpressed with the size. Instead, we bought a 6 gallon tub of Crisco.
17:40EST-FRI-12/21/2001
- Funniest thing I heard last night while playing hookie from work:
Lucas: Hey, let's all go out and have sex with a pig!
Will: Dude, we would need a shitload of alcohol first.
Lucas: Because you know they're SOOOOO hard to convince...
22:49EST-WED-12/19/2001
- I was brushing my teeth this morning and it occurred to me how much of a cool guy Jesse is. I pick on my friends and they pick on me, but it is all just fun and games. We can laugh at our own expense because if we can not laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? Still, we do so very ferociously but try not to cross any lines at the same time. There is a line that everyone has between humor and offense. People are usually very touchy about that line. My friends and I get away with murder when laughing at each other, but if someone tries to kid around with me at that same level of evil contempt and I do not feel like I have known them long enough or well enough for them to have earned the right to be able to make fun of me, I get offended. They are taking a liberty that I do not think they deserve yet and things go downhill from there. This is why Jesse is cool, in my opinion. I barely know him and yet I realized that I picked up the bad habit of making gay jokes about him while hanging around with Holly and Chuck at parties when we are all drunk. Still, he seems to keep a cool head and take it all in stride. Either that, or his will is already broken.
18:26EST-WED-12/19/2001
- If you are too lazy to bother to learn l33t sp33k, you can just go to one of the many emulators like this place. Oh, and if you think my rants are underpowered and pull their punches by the time I soften it up for the web, check out www.batjew.com for all your spiteful needs.
20:07EST-TUE-12/11/2001
- We played a great LAN party this weekend. Instead of playing the usual butt-load of Unreal Tournament, we played Infiltration. It's loads of fun, imho. I really like the swat/military realism of the game better than the superhuman surreal feel of Unreal Tournament at times. Sure, it's great to be able to jump off of impossibly tall heights and land without a problem. In Infiltration, however, you get injured or die from relatively small falls. Oh well, it just adds to the humor of playing against a bunch of friends when you leap from your tall perch with an armed grenade in your hand only to fall to your death. Your foe turns around and laughs at your blunder only to be cut in half when the grenade goes off. Realistic sniping, shooting, ammo reloads, great looking maps and loads of fun for everyone. Customize your load-out with as much or as little as you would like. It doesn't matter except for how encumbered you get. For everyone who says "it's just another Counter Strike rip off" get your facts straight. CS was a mod (ie: rip off) for HalfLife and since this is built around the Unreal Tournament engine, that makes it just like CS but it's got more features and I believe the graphics to be better. Oh yeah, Chuck, you can bite me. I'm still not going to play Max Payne, and you can take Urban Terror and sit on it. Wanker.
11:12EST-TUE-12/4/2001
- I'm waiting for the Everquest servers to come back online and scratching my eyes out. In the mean time, I'm watching some of the movies that wound up on my server (weird...) and thinking about Martian terra-forming. I've always wanted to be a Martian colonist since I heard of the idea. 1/3 weight would be really neat for moto-cross races and stuff. Anyway, what with the lunar calendar for Mars being -really- messed up compared to that of Earth, just imagine how that would affect the way time is measured. The days are 24.6 hours long. Naturally, that means that clocks are going to be different. Because the difference is so gradual, the addition of 36 minutes every day will add up to the point where daylight and night time here might be the same there, but be completely opposite several years down the line. Also, there are many more days in a Martian year. We cruise around the sun in a speedy 365 days, 5 hours, and some change, Mars meanders around the sun in 687. That makes the traditional month and week obsolete. Hard to see any Erisian Numerologists have any luck with that one! Sorry, if that last reference was too obscure for other people. Just think 5 and have a Hot Dog. Read more. Anyway, kids born on Mars will hate how long it is until their next birthday. =) I wonder if places that rely so much on international time zones like newspapers and trading companies will ever have a need for a Martian clock on the wall with all the others from around the world for reference. Shouldn't be too hard to make one, but the long distance calls would be a real bitch! Digital watches would be easy. Most have 12/24 capabilities at the press of a button already. How hard can it be to reprogram it to be 12/24/Mars capable? I'd like to have one. Even if it could lead to problems down the line. 'Sorry, I would have been on time for work but I forgot that I still had my watch set to Martian Mean Time (MMT)'. I'm going to say that's why I was late for work on Sunday...
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