Yackitysmackity

The Tangent At Hand
.......... This is the part where I pretend that you are in the room with me and I'm just talking out loud. Free flow thought. Rambling. Ranting. Tangenting on my own tangents. Y'know, stuff. I may update this page as seldom as several days at a time, or twenty times a night depending on how wired or bored I am at work. You get the really good quality tangents when I'm hyped up on supercaff. In fact, I think I'll go get some right now. That'll force the creative juices for sure!
.......... Beware! The author of this page does not condone the use of conservative thought, antidisestablishmentarian ideals, Marxist economics, or anything Ford makes. Read the following drivel at your own risk of understanding me.

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1:51EST-THU-11/29/2001

Oh, great Coffee God, how have I forsaken you? Please forgive me for trying to leave you behind in favor of other vices! I humbly beg your tender mercy and ask that you accept me again as a lesser minion to allow me to once again feel the warmth of you in my hands and mouth (boy, doesn't THAT sound dirty?) for I have seen the error of my ways and wish to repent! I shall drink upon thy nectar daily once again! With sugar and milk... Lots of sugar and milk... Oh great Coffee God, I humbly beseech thee... I know I am a heretic for diluting your greatness with additives before enjoying your dark goodness and donning the cloak of buzzing warmth that you grant me, but why do you normally taste so nasty? Your cousin the Great Hot Chocolate God looks pretty good in that Swiss Miss outfit, and tastes pretty damned good too. Now if only she has as much caffeine...

00:42EST-WED-11/28/2001

I know, I know. It's been a while. I have been getting quite a bit of people commenting on how they were disappointed that I stopped updating the page. To be perfectly honest, I stopped doing a lot of stuff. I've even stopped replying to a lot of email because I've felt the need to wait until I could write something good. Something other than the pattern I noticed while spell checking past posts. 'I woke up and did the same stuff as yesterday. Insert random observation here. Quick jaded remark. Asinine attempt at humor' Maybe I'm too self critical. Obviously not critical enough or I would have actually found some way to improve myself rather than just lament it. Anyway, enough whining. Here's a clip from another book I'll never finish that I started after watching (and hating) the movie Kids.

“Yo white boy, welcome to the first day of high school!” Daren sauntered up to Keith who was still trying to figure out the new combination to his locker.
“Shut up, Daren and stop calling me white boy. I’m Gothic. There’s a difference.”
“Oh, please! You whiter than your mommas panties right before I tore them off and had my way with her last night,” Daren said.
“If you ever saw my mom, you wouldn’t be bragging. Besides, what are you so happy to be back in school again for? Tired of masturbating at your own house already?” Daren laughed for a second at his friend’s bad mood.
“Nah, unlike you, I get mine. This Friday, I got a date with Tenniel and I heard that this summer she started getting her freak on. I’m gonna be all up in there.” Keith has finally gotten his locker open and begins to put books and papers inside while trying to ignore Daren’s little dance.
“I’ll have you know that I’ve gotten mine in the past too so you can’t make fun of me for being a virgin.”
“Shit, who do you think you stuck your dick in?”
“If you must know, it was a girl I met down in Florida this summer while we were on vacation,” Keith replied and closed his locker again.
Daren shook his head in disbelief and said so.“Oh, now I –KNOW- you’re lying. Everyone who says they fucked some bitch but they’re always in some other far away land where no one can ask her, is lying.”
“No, I’m serious. One night while we were all in the hotel, my brother and I snuck out to go smoke and we met these two girls down by the pool. They had been drinking and skinny dipping when we walked by and scared them. We talked to them for a while, found out that they had also slipped away from their parents, and the next thing you know, the booze did all the talking.”
“Shit, Keith, that’s the stuff of porno legend. How come you never told me before? They were dogs, weren’t they?”
“Well they wouldn’t win a beauty contest, lets just say that, but there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to have sex with a girl.”
Daren starts laughing louder than ever before. “YOU BEEN TO THE DOG POUND! HAHAHAHA!”
Keith turns to face his friend and says; “Try to broaden your horizons just a bit, Daren. Think of these possibilities… Wouldn’t it have made me a shallow person to have shunned her and call her ugly because she does not match what popular media would have us believe defines women as being ‘beautiful’, or does it mean that I am not shallow because I was able to see beyond that illusion? Does it mean instead that I lived for the day and shared a moment with another person in our extremely limited time alive on this planet? Does it mean that I cared enough about her feelings to share some time with her and try to make her happy, if only for one night?”
Daren thought about this for a brief second. “I think you just wanted to get your dick wet."
“Word.”