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The Tangent At Hand
.......... This is the part where I pretend that you are in the room with me and I'm just talking out loud. Free flow thought. Rambling. Ranting. Tangenting on my own tangents. Y'know, stuff. I may update this page as seldom as several days at a time, or twenty times a night depending on how wired or bored I am at work. You get the really good quality tangents when I'm hyped up on supercaff. In fact, I think I'll go get some right now. That'll force the creative juices for sure!
.......... Beware! The author of this page does not condone the use of conservative thought, antidisestablishmentarian ideals, Marxist economics, or anything Ford makes. Read the following drivel at your own risk of understanding me.

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15:57EST-SAT-8/31/2002

It took me two hours to download and install America's Army but only five minutes of getting bored on the firing range before I shot the munitions officer and was put in the brig. Once it puts you there, it likes to keep you there. I eventually got tired of taking screen shots and listening to the wailing harmonica down the hall and quit the game. Then, Rhys sent me a link to more insensitive t-shirts. I particularly want to get the one that says SUICIDE BOMBER and find someone wearing one of the Bomb Tech shirts. I'll just slip up next to a guy and start playing with Black Cats in an irresponsible manner.

15:13EST-SAT-8/31/2002

Jerk your own adventure! Thanks to Nikki for sending me that one. She swears that she found our living room in this little adventure. You be the judge.

12:43EST-SAT-8/31/2002

Blargh. I should not be up this early. Does anyone else have a problem with getting turbodrunk and then waking up early? I couldn't sleep if I tried. I've been trying since 10am. Oh well. I should just take some pills and get on with my day. Luckily, I have mountains to read and a game to watch tonight so I am not short on things to do. I think I'll call up some of the other Ridgemonkeys and see about getting into trouble this evening.

1:37EST-SAT-8/31/2002

warning: I'm durnk. I've been torn from my comfy computer chair and taken against my will to Applebees and forced to drink all sorts of alcoholic beverages. my spelling will suffer asa result. I had fun though. It was neat. I haven't gotten toasty since Wednesday 0r something. not too sure at this point. Mind Erasers are the fast road to oblivion. Good thing I know how to make themn. Wow, this is poitnleees. At least I still 0wn at at Unreal. I'm signing off. Gn'ight.

22:10EST-FRI-8/30/2002

Sometimes I even amaze myself. That's what setting low standards is all about. It certainly keeps me from becoming blase about everything. The latest bit of self-pleasure came from finding this link which has ASCII versions of all five books in the Hitchiker trilogy. If you haven't read them yet, do so or else risk not being prepared when you wake up surrounded by talking penquins. Yep.

21:34EST-FRI-8/30/2002

Now with 50% less guest book!
Matt has decided to be social again and is planning fun activities for us to enjoy at his pad. I'd say he's beeing a very good sport considering that someone has a big fat butt and put a dent in his new Jeep's hood and will not admit to it. Booze does strange things to people's memories but I didn't see it happen so I can't point fingers confidently. If you want to hang out with the cool kids, then go read his page for party plans. C'mon, you know you want to. Jesse will be there to sign nipples!

18:07EST-THU-8/29/2002

Alright, I've taken a much more sensible approach to getting people up to date with the mods on my server. So, if you would like to play on my Unreal Tournament server, click here and do what you gotta do. Lucas helped me give my couches to Tater. Tater was not at home, nor did he answer his phone, but when he gets home he now has a back yard full of furnature and an oil painting. G0D I WANNA HAVE ANOTHER LAN PARTY! Any party really, but the more frags the better.

15:06EST-WED-8/28/2002

The Boomer Bible. Part of it at least. It's a good start. :)

21:46EST-TUE-8/27/2002

I've been having soooooo much fun playing Unreal Tournament lately. I've set up the server to have a game of some kind running on it at all times. I've even discovered the main bandwidth leak on our network and throttled it down (Lucas' box) to a more respectable level. This should help ping times and transfer rates from the web page, and ftp site dramatically. I had the itch to find the Warhammer 40K Space Marine skin for UT and actually found it this time. Then I found skins for many of the other classes and races from that game as well. I set them all up and have been playing team deathmatch, capture the flag, and most fun of all have been the assault maps. The bigger the better! The mod that I -thought- allowed me to play with 32 bots was just a fix for a bug which prevented the game from chosing between the 32 premade bots but still only allowed 16 bots at any given time. That bug was also fixed in relatively early patches to the game itself so the mod was useless. Still, I like to set it to 16 bots and play a good map. With a team of bots all wearing Blood Angels Space Marine armor, it gives the game a whole new feel as you rain death upon an opposing force of genestealers, battle sisters, eldar guardians, warp spiders, wraithguard, or orks. It's like the FPS I always wanted. It brings a tear to my eye. :_) I'm such a geek.

19:48EST-MON-8/26/2002

Five results to the poll already? After checking the rest of the polls, it looks like I have 15 regular voters. That means a full third of my audience has spoken. Many of them appear to be liars or fond of drive-thrus. I feel the love. Wish me luck for this weekend. I'm going to Dragon Con to visit friends. Most notably are two very cute women who have boyfriends I hold in the highest regard so no hanky panky there. What a great term. :) Hanky Panky. I don't think people say hanky panky enough. Do you? Try it for me. Say it. SAY IT AGAIN! Say it in public. Say it to your boss. I see vacation time in your future.

2:42EST-MON-8/26/2002

Don't be alarmed! It's not real. It's a test of public opinion. You know, like the survey of all the people who would enjoy having nails thrust through their heads. A surprising amout of guys responded positively on that one. Hopefully I won't get similar results. From guys. Anyway, I was talking to my grandmother today and she asked when I was going to settle down and get married to a nice young lady and make her a great grandmother. I explained to her that my generation works in reverse. First she becomes a great grandmother, then I get married, then the divorce, then I find a nice young lady. At least that's the way I have perceived the relationships of my peers. Still... That got my mind wondering. Imagine, if you will, that we were living in an alternate reality or that this was all just a movie so there were no consequences of your actions. In that case, would you marry me? Heh, I think I'm going to memorize that last bit and use that if/when I actually do ask someone. Again.

22:26EST-SUN-8/25/2002

Sometimes it is nice to be treated as meat. In a way, it is a validation. At least I am useful in that respect. Holly may not be the only one unlovable. The funny bit is that the woman in question was warned about me. Warned about me? What about me? Apparently I am notorious for seducing women and then leaving them when my use for them is over. Sounds villainous, no? I assure you that I am not so mean. I will admit that it may look like that to those on the outside. I have unrealistic expectations of what I want to find in the love of my life. I constantly wonder about this. I tried to write down these expectations as a school assignment back in the 6th grade for an English class homework assignment. I began my list as any 6th grader would. I realized quickly that my list was superficial and rewrote it after more serious thought on the subject. Things to look for in a mate changed from adjectives like "pretty" and "blue eyes" to more noble "intelligent" and "witty". I couldn't finish that list either. The paper I turned in read something like, "I believe it is unfair to set a level of expectation and build up an idea of a Dream Girl that I may never meet. It would be like a set of blinders that could keep me from realizing that I have found the perfect woman because she does not fit a prefabricated profile. I would like to think that when I find the perfect woman for me, I will feel it." Everyone changes as they grow older. Especially during that particular period of time but I still hold to that conviction that my ideal woman is out there somewhere and I'll know it when I find her. I am not one to waste the time of myself or others if I realize a few months into the relationship that it does not feel right. Sometimes I came to this decision in just a few short weeks. My record of 3.5 months still holds. Sadly. Not for a lack of trying in most cases. You know how it is. During a period of introspection you might realize that you've been ignoring a nagging feeling that something isn't right. Perhaps it just feels entirely wrong. The worst is when you really like her. When you finally find one of the rare women that you really feel good with it is like Murphy descends from the clouds and finds something to foul things up. One such time was a realization during a talk that our career choices would lead us to different cities. How terrible that the most precious thing in life be destroyed by the acquisition of money. Painful, sure, but not as bad as the betrayal of a lover cheating on you. There's no salvaging that. You may like to think that love conquers all and that it would be really romantic if you could work it out and turn the experience into something that bonds the two of you even closer than before. I disagree. It happened in the first place because of a flaw in the relationship. Given any example I have found that the flaw cannot be repaired. The flaw just gets worse. These are all reasons of why I am so jaded. Perhaps most of all was because of the realization why nice guys finish last. Nice guys are rarely confident. Women are frequently attracted to confidence. There are a few that allow their motherly instincts to lead them to date guys they call 'helpless' but that just seems to make matters worse. Confident guys are really good at taking care of themselves and less emotionally needy. No 'baggage'. Women appreciate a low-maintenance guy because it is less they have to deal with. Guys who are pretty confident are also less likely to make a huge mess emotionally/socially as a result of a break up. Do not let this confuse you. Assholes just might, but who better to get involved with while discover what it is that you do and don't like in guys? They are emotionally disposable. When you are done dating an asshole, what do you care what they do or feel? They were an asshole. I am still trying to figure out why some women seek out really abusive relationships. Are they so afraid of being alone or being with someone who makes them feel good about who they are? I wonder how many of those women are Catholic. Nice guys tend to get into long term relationships and frequently wind up getting married. There is something to be said about commitment, but I do not know any women who do not want to live the wild life and gain life experience before they want to settle down and start taking the nice guys seriously. THAT is why nice guys finish last. They often get put on a shelf for later because women know that the nice guys may not be exciting, but they will still be there by their side when the time comes to stop playing with the trouble makers. What does this mean to me? I'm doing the same thing. I've been burning the candle at both ends while I'm still young enough to get away with it. Get experience. Do all the things I think I'll wish I had done when I get old. Live the wild life before it's time to slow down and set some long term goals. I like to refer to that bit as the grass is greener on the other side theory. It's almost time to cross the bridge again and not look back. That's very hard to say for someone who likes to think he has a Peter Pan complex. :) That is why I have put so much time and effort into forming my current demeanor. I'm one of the emotionally disposable. I'm an asshole. I'm used for a good time, and left. We're using each other for life experience. Until I feel like I have discovered enough, gotten into enough trouble, avoided enough drama, and have breath left in my lungs, I will greet you as Shane, the Asshole.

23:11EST-FRI-8/23/2002

Once again, I've gotten back to the basics. I'm playing Unreal Tournament for all the sadistic pleasure it's worth and fragging everyone in the house. Unfortunately, that's just Lucas at this point. I set it up on the server for all on the web to enjoy. So far only Zak and a friend of his has played on it but I invite anyone interested to join us. The map pack is rather basic. Mostly just the stock maps with a couple of the Inoxx packs as well. I might set up more than one server on that box with a number of different mods. There is one map in particular that we all -really- enjoyed at the LAN parties because it is a friggin' huge map. The only problem is that even with the maximum number of bots, the pathing is attrocious so the bots are just about worthless. It was not uncommon to frag your own bots because they spawned in a dumb location and in hopes that they would respawn in more useful positions. Im in the process of trying to install the mod which allows you to use all 32 bots instead of being limited to just 16. That should help. After that, I'll have to see about finding the map again and sharing it with everyone. If you'd like to join in the fun, my server can be found at jadedassholes.myip.org on the usual ports. If you have any problems or suggestions, just lemme know.

19:39EST-WED-8/21/2002

Mmmm... Coffee... Is gud, ya? I don't remember any of the interesting bits I keep meaning to write about. Whenever I'm driving around, I always get great ideas and focus on them at length and think "I'm going to write about this" but as soon as I get in front of my computer, it slips my mind like a court date. I figured out how to use the voice memo feature on my phone so I could make a note of it as soon as I think of it. Now I wind up forgetting my phone. Great progress there. I could try to modify a wallet chain to fit my phone but I'd wind up losing my trousers as a result.

14:39EST-SAT-8/17/2002

I hate losing a friend but when it turns out that the friend being lost wasn't really a friend at all, that makes it just so much worse to me. Not only am I losing a friend, but I have to accept being fooled with lies for so long. I still think the world would be a much happier place if people spoke their mind more freely and were honest with others. That's a question in a book on morality that I've debated at long stretches about. White lies? Nonsense. That's why spies are so important in world affairs. They add to the lines of communication. Imagine all the leaders of the world standing in one big room and everything they say or do can be seen by all the rest. Security comes in knowing what is going on around you and also knowing that it would be a bad idea to talk about nuking that guy in the corner. Anyway, there's going to be bad, evil, not funny, Rosanne drama and I am -not- looking forward to it.

2:42EST-FRI-8/16/2002

Oh, jeeze, doesn't this just figure?

Mission:Impossible 2 Symbolism:Recurring Doves
what movie symbolism are you? find out!

1:31EST-FRI-8/16/2002

It appears I'm stalking a stalker and we both suck at it. We don't even know each other's last name. That's funny. Ok, we're not really stalking eachother but it was amusing at the time and I felt like sharing it. Anyway, Gun Day was really fun. We plinked at all manner of things. I tried out the .44 magnum Desert Eagle that Rhys brought. Other than the slide being a complete fucker to operate, it shot quite nice. The trigger was quite crisp with very little travel and the recoil was a lot better than I was expecting from a cartridge that big. Undoubtably due to the big fucker of a return spring in the slide. Remind me never to buy one because that means I would have to take it apart for cleaning and I can think of nothing but that spring jumping out to swallow my soul. Jesse even came out and played with guns. He claims to have been overwhelmed by the experience but I'll tell you a secret... Chuck finally broke down and touched a gun just two weeks ago after all this time. I hope they both enjoyed the experience. C'mon, Jesse, you know you liked it. You liked it. You loved it. You love ice cream. You want ice cream. Your life is meaning less without ice cream. Repent with some ice cream. When I was trying to teach him about using a handgun I had barely told him how to decock the weapon before he unleashed the entire clip at whatever was downrange. I didn't even have a chance to tell him how to get into a good stance or anything, he just started shooting very fast with no visible expression. If you've ever seen Cold Blooded, you would have laughed because it was a scene straight from that movie. DJ Cold Blooded Flannelboy. Yeah. Alex brought an M1 Garand that we took over to the bench rest range. It is a beautiful 30.06 bolt-action rifle with a wonderfully well cared for and shiney stock with a thick metal butt-plate on the end. It's the sort of rifle that brings tears to the eye. Sure, it looks nice but it hurts like sin! Kee-rist! You only needed to fire it once to realize that it would kick your ass. The most adamant would suffer through a full 5 rounds and then crawl away in tears. I'm amazed that Alex was able to fire it so much and then still drive and lift his glass when we went to Barley's afterwards to bid him a fond farewell. We had the usual good time while there and I ran into an old friend. After a few hours we moved on to Sassy Ann's where I ran into another old friend who I had lost track of. That was the best part of the day for me. I got home and put all the pics up in the usual gallery. If you want to see them, enjoy. I'm going to go make some pizza rolls now.

1:38EST-THU-8/15/2002

Chuck, Nick, I hate you. I hate you oh so very much. Why? I just ate that piece of filth that you gave to me the other day. You know, the chocolate flavored power bar. Blargh! I swear to god, that thing tasted like vitamin fortified sawdust with chocolate fudge wrapped around it. Ewww! :::shudder:::

5:39EST-WED-8/14/2002

Ugh... I am still waiting for the big fuzzy black blanket of sleep to show up and party with me but it is late again. I think I will use this time to pack for Gun Day tomorrow and read the rest of the Webmonkey Webring. As a parting thought, consider the recent events with our stock markets suffering from corporate accounting scandals, the tremendous losses of the travel and vacation industry, and the economy in a general disarray. I was surprised to hear on NPR today that the economic slump was predicted back while Clinton was still in office. Global economics will only get more complex once off world colonization gets underway. Large scale communism may have collapsed, but I imagine that there are several old-school communists who are getting quite a laugh at our expense right about now.

3:57EST-WED-8/14/2002

People are strange creatures. Willpower, and more specifically the desire to control our own actions, makes us do strange things. We hate being told what we can and cannot do or have. That would take away from our abilities to do whatever we pleased. Even the most prudent of us secretly long for the things we shouldn't. If we want something but can't have it, then we want it more. People who are exceptionally headstrong will even change their minds about not liking something if someone else tells them that they ca not have it. There is just something magical about forbidden fruit. We all know the saying about grass being greener. Some of you may even know a song or two by Trent Reznor with his point of view on the subject. Curious people can not help but be mystified by things that are bad for them. A disturbing number of people have negative things to say about me. In spite of my efforts to find out what has besmirched my image, I have not found anyone who can say anything specific. It would seem I am perceived more as Dorian Gray than an Lord Henry. Still, it has worked out to my advantage a few times. Some women who hear that I am a bad idea find it intriguing. To that end, the negative publicity campaign has rewarded me more than I can say it has hurt me. As such, I feel that I owe my critics a thanks. I wish I could say that it was my own devious idea. If you did not like me before, I imagine you must loathe me now. >:)

19:32EST-MON-8/12/2002

Dammit! The latest DVD missing from my collection is The Fast And The Furious. I'm going to have to start keeping all my DVDs under lock and key. I wonder if I'm missing any other movies and just haven't realized it yet.

15:16EST-MON-8/12/2002

There's nothing quite as nice as a clear conscience.

19:10EST-SUN-8/11/2002

Heh heh heh, Zak sent me this one and I must share it with you all. Diesel Sweeties
Also, while I'm on the subject, I might as well link to the nifty reason why Chuck and I have been running around miss-quoting Monty Python. Sluggy Freelance

23:38EST-FRI-8/9/2002

I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally. I've been racking my brain all day between spurts of working and I believe I have come up with an answer. Nothing concrete just yet, but I may have actually decided what I want to be when I grow up. Unfortunately, this would require me to grow up so that would blow my whole eternal youth theory that seems to have been paying off so far. I don't want to talk about it too much because that seems to jinx all my plans when I talk about them too much. Instead, I think I'll finish watching the Dennis Learey special and then read some more. I must finish JTHM and SQUEE before getting back to reading the verbal train wreck called The Republic.

13:50EST-FRI-8/9/2002

It is time, once again, for something new. I don't quite know what just yet, but several ideas have become -very- attractive. It is a shame that moving has become such a chore. There was a time when I prided myself on being able to pick up and leave in a matter of seconds. I had gotten rid of everything that I didn't consider important. Mere usefulness wasn't enough. At the time, this was little more than a car with my arsenal, books, and clothing in the trunk. It was a time of reinvention that served me well for quite some time but funds for food and playing became scarce so a job was obtained and with it seems to have come a sense of consumerism. I accredit that entirely to my love of spending money and midnight trips to Wal-Mart. More and more crap was acquired and now I find myself tied down to my acquisition of junk once more. I found myself inexplicably drawn to places like Montana or joining the INS for border patrol fun but it is difficult to pull up stakes with a 700 pound aquarium. What shall I do?

1:07EST-THU-8/8/2002

Aardvarks.

4:09EST-TUE-8/6/2002

We're in a war, fellas. Whether you realize it or not, we are fighting a war of the penises and there is a frantic arms race going on. Since the introduction of Viagra a few years ago, there has been a flood of new pills, herbal extracts, dietary supplements, and other things to turn you into a goddamn sexual tyranosaurus. With such obvious benefits, who wouldn't want to be? There are pills to make your cock larger, breasts bigger, tummy smaller, muscles beefier, give you more energy, prolong your staying power, increase your tactile sensitivity, promote natural lubrication, and other stuff that I haven't even read about. Do a quick search on Google about sex and the various drugs available to turn you into the Baron of Beach Blanket Bingo. Take a daily regimine of various drugs to increase your penis size, give you an indestructable hard on, keep you from shooting your load at the first thing that moves, and the energy to keep the neighbors awake until dawn, and you will certainly be better suited for bedroom antics than the pudgy computer geek down the street who still lives in his mother's basement reading Dawn graphic novels. For years, the secret to great sex has been eating right and exercising regularly. Who has time for that? Many of us are so active that we don't have time for sex, and many more have plenty of time, but have no sex. Science is building an escalator over the performance barrier for all of us who like cheeseburgers and reading more than vegetable juices and jogging. Is it worth spending hundreds of dollars on a medicine cabinet full of this stuff? I don't know, but the thought of being second to some loser with a Viagra and a Power Bar is not a happy one.

2:00EST-TUE-8/6/2002

Happy Fun Tape is a tale of tragedy. A tale of woe, sorrow, exhaustive hours sorting through music collections, sore fingers from endless fiddling with recording and playback equipment, having to get Courtney out of the fridge, and other misserable deeds in an effort to produce a single item of pure joy. All my efforts were to culminate into a tape filled with all the most uplifting music I could find. A tape speicifically designed to bring a smile to any face that heard it. There is a lot of music out there and a lot of different musical tastes. I had just one tape to try to cover all bases with. Yes, it was to be a tape. At the time, CD burners were almost unknown and I wanted something I could put in my car. I finally managed to complete my quest. The Super Happy Fun Tape was born. It was great. It made everyone who got to listen to it smile, laugh, and sing along with it in spite of their mood. That is right, it brought smiles and joy to all three of us before it broke. That was the fist time I had ever seen a tape break. I've seen them get eaten, I've seen cases crack, but never before had I seen the tape itself snap. A little bit of work with a screw driver and tape brought it back to life again. Then it broke again. In a different spot. Three more times. I was dissapointed. The tape was just too happy to live. I later found the list of songs and made a Super Happy Fun CD. HAHA! Triumph at last! A CD could never snap in the middle of a song. It did, however, crack. Could it be? This simple playlist was so full of positive energy that it would self destruct no matter what medium I put it on. I've gone through two hard drives that have had a similar playlist of MP3s assembled on them. Experiments that ultimately led me to learn more about gothic and industrial music. I have since destroyed the physical list of songs I've used so as to prevent future misshaps. What if I had changed just one or two of the songs to be even MORE happy? Would the negative consequences be just that much worse? Imagine if I were able to assemble a playlist so happy that the self destruction of the media caused casualties. Ever wonder why people spontaneously combust? I'll bet they were wearing a walkman. My next trick would be to assemble a playlist so full of negativity and suckiness that it turns into jewel encrusted gold or something at the expense of all who hear it. Maybe that's why Metalica's albums keep going multi-platinum.

1:11EST-SAT-8/3/2002

Once again I find myself with the extraordinarily keen fortune of being able to stand outside and watch a thunderstorm with plenty of lighting rolling through the clouds and not a drop of rain in sight. The air is electric, and so am I!

23:43EST-FRI-8/2/2002

GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS GUNS!!!! Gun Day is gaining in popularity. More and more of our friends are coming out of the woodwork and being discovered as closet gun enthusiasts who either haven't had the chance to go shooting and then discover that it's kinda neat, or have been shooting infrequently in the past but didn't know of anyone else to go shooting with. Amazing that the latter catergory didn't think of me immediately. Anyway, I'm going to go back to making more bullets now since it's so much friggin fun! Before I leave, I want you to think of this... I want an American Indian to run for president.