18:34EST-THU-1/31/2002
- Until recently, I had a secret shame. A person with as wild and crazy of a history as myself should have some really nifty sex stories. I do. That's why I have such a low purity score. However, when the conversations came to questions like 'What is the strangest place you have ever had sex?' came up, I had to bow my head in shame. Other than the typical bed/car/woods stories, I didn't have anything too out of the ordinary. Certainly nothing to match my sporadically wild imagination. Until last night. Several of us can have been on a personal quest to make the distribution of AOL CDs unprofitable. How? By taking as many as we could in hopes that the absence of their temptation would help save the world from a foul cyber-crutch. Users of a real ISP tend to become more internet savvy and are less susceptible to spam. Over time, we had acquired quite a few. My personal collection was rapidly put to shame as Holly and friends managed to steal something like 5000 in a single night. They currently reside in a pile on Tater's basement floor where anyone can sit or lay on them. Or have sex on them. Very difficult to get traction for thrusting so grappling is essential.
2:42EST-MON-1/28/2002
- I was searching the web for an explanation as to what a Creme de Mint is but never found it. Along the way, I found out some new and disturbing terms that are to be learned and avoided. By the way, a Creme de Mint is not a delicious chocolate after dinner treat, when used in the context in which I heard it. Not unless the thought of a donkey punch of dirty sanchez wet your appetite. See for yourself.
20:48EST-SUN-1/27/2002
-
i...
Last night I lay in bed thinking uncontrollably while seeking sleep.
hurt myself today...
I guess it was the caffiene talking to me because in spite of yawning uncontrollably, I just couldn't doze off.
to see if i still feel
Unfortunately, my mind was focusing on relationships.
focus on the pain
Probably because of the stuff I've been watching in my little bit of time when I'm not at work.
the only thing that's real
This is why I like watching comedies so much I guess.
the needle tears a hole
They tend to make you feel good and you leave with a smile.
the old familiar sting
This is far better than romantic movies.
try to kill it all away
Tear Jerkers, Chick Flicks, call them what you will.
but i remember everything
I've noticed romantic plot lines weeding their way into even the most low brow comedies or gritty action flick.
what have i become
I can't complain much because it adds a pleasant element to the movie or show that jokes or car chases rarely give.
my sweetest friend
The last three things I've seen were the Macross Plus series, American Pie 2, and High Fidelity.
everyone i know
When we watch movies or shows with friends, we tend to be more expressive.
goes away
Talking about what we think or feel during the program like laughing or saying that we think it sucks.
in the end
Stuff like that.
you could have it all
However, when we watch something alone, we tend to focus more intensely on it.
my empire of dirt
This allows us to empathize more with the characters and story line.
i will let you down
To better appreciate all the hard work that the writers and directors put into making it more intense.
i will make you hurt
As such, I don't know about you, but I get a hell of a lot more out of a program if I watch it alone so my attention is undivided.
i wear this crown of shit
Macross Plus is a Japanese animation series of the giant robot/love triangle variety so if you are at all familiar with the genre you will know what I'm talking about.
upon my liar's chair
American Pie 2 starts off with classic sex humor and then throws in a love story at the end that I really liked.
full of broken thoughts
High Fidelity is a fucking awesome movie.
i cannot repair
If you have not seen it yet and have ever been in a relationship, or listened to the radio, you will enjoy this movie.
beneath the stain of time
When we first watched it, someone said that it was a chick flick for guys, and it really is.
the feeling disappears
With these strong themes on relationships slipped into the movies, I began to think about relationships quite a bit, especially after the last two.
you are someone else
A friend even asked me to give her some romantic advice.
i am still right here
I made sure she knew who she was asking, then gave her my two cents only to discover that she was stoned out of her mind.
what have i become
Probably why she didn't know not to ask me.
my sweetest friend
One question stuck with me though and I tried to think about it.
everyone i know
What was the craziest thing I've ever done for love?
goes away
I have only really been madly in love three times but they each ended horribly so I try not to think of them very much.
in the end
I can't remember the good times as much as the suffering.
you could have it all
I honestly can't remember having felt -love-, just all the pain afterwards so I must have felt something and not realized it. Does that make sense at all?
my empire of dirt
In fact, it has been almost five years since the last time I really felt anything other than apathy.
i will let you down
I guess that is why I enjoy listening to Nine Inch Nails; 'Hurt' so much because I identify with it completely and the music itself kicks ass.
i will make you hurt
I am so tired of it all.
if i could start again
Maybe I have been shielding myself emotionally but I don't remember consciously doing it for fear of being hurt again so either I am doing it unconsciously or I really haven't been feeling anything all this time.
a million miles away
I am sooo tired of that though and would like, just once, to be able to feel something again.
i would keep myself
Even if it is the sting of pain that accompanies a horrible breakup.
i would find a way
Maybe I am still hung up on someone I never allowed myself to become attached to because we both knew it was temporary. Maybe.
2:18EST-THU-1/24/2002
- Ever since the motorcycle show this past weekend, I've been dreaming about owning my own bike. It's been 14 years or so since I last rode one. I'm really kind of nervous. I know I can't afford a really nice bike like I will refuse to be content until I get, but at the same time I know that I can't possibly handle anything like what I would want to get. Let's not even begin to talk about affording it. I've been doing my usual routine that I have found to work very well with any new sport or hobby I get involved with. First, I read about it on the web as much as I can find. When I begin to run out of leads on the web, I turn to the printed media (magazines) and especially those printed in the U.K. since their magazine writing style is borderline psychotic. American magazines are little more than 72-144 pages of adds and sponsor driven articles about how cool their sponsors are. Add to that, the caustic ever-present pressure that anything written should try to be objective and not tell it from a personal opinion point of view just makes for dull boring articles that are afraid to pull punches and give you the flip side of a coin. Not those wacky Brits. If product A sucks, then they tell you how badly, and how long it took to come on product A's face before getting bored and wandering off to bugger product A's mother down at the pub. I can pick up any one of my British mags and point at lengthy articles full of technical jargon depicting the good parts of something, and very detailed (yet colorful) explanations of just what they didn't, why, and how it could have been made better. If something turns out to be pretty cool, then you will read verbose praise and technical explanations about why it was better than something else, still managing to find faults somewhere just to prove that it isn't a gift from god, then going on to talk about how much fun they had afterwards at the pub, and impress the hell out of a certain mother. Reading a boring American editorial article can take two or three tries for me before I manage to read all the way through to the end. I guess I'm spoiled now. Perhaps it's just that I can't get enough articles with the words wanker, bollocks, chuff, and bugger mixed in everywhere.
1:29EST-TUE-1/22/2002
- Good weekend. I first got interested in motorcycles over ten years ago before I could drive. I wanted a bike because they were cheaper, more exciting to ride, and dead sexy. My father wouldn't hear of it. His exact words were that I would never own a bike as long as I lived under his roof. He didn't want me to die. Considering the fact that I've died nine times while riding as a passenger in an SUV, this is laughable in retrospect. Anyway, I no longer live under his roof so it's fair game. I haven't lived under his roof for many many years, but I could never afford the luxuries of a motorcycle. Even now I can not but I can still dream. That leads me back to this past weekend where I went to drink with my rich friends, like Jin. I spent the past two weeks drinking every single night to try to build up my tollerance for this weekend in expectation. Jin is a power-drinker who has a tolerance to put British people to shame. I don't. Anyway, I spent a ton of money to kill what's left of my liver so that I could last a couple drinks longer while partying with Jin this weekend but failed miserably. I helped him out at a motorcycle show down there and had a complete blast. Tons of good looking bikes, and plenty of good looking women who like bikers. Granted, many of them were just Harley heads, but I'm more of a Ducati street biker kind of guy as opposed to an easy rider. Saturday night, we all went out to eat and drink. I started the night with a good swift kick in the pants commonly called a Mind Eraser. If you know what it is, you know aaaaaaaallll about it. Chaz, an older racer and a Ducati mechanic for Jin asked me if I've ever had an Irish Car Bomb. Intrigued, I asked him about it and he only responded by ordering me one. A full pint of Guinness and a shot of Irish whiskey. You're supposed to drop the shot into the pint, like a Flaming Dr Pepper. A pint is nothing to scoff at. Those fuckers are huge! Chaz challenged my manhood so I chugged it down and suddenly remembered that I was still waiting for the Mind Eraser to hit me. 20 minutes later, I was having trouble staying in my chair. The food was really good though. Great steak! It's a miracle that I got it though. I love Atlanta, but the people there are some of the most spoiled eaters in the world. I couldn't walk into a place without half the menu being full of rabbit food and soy. I have never been a big fan of vegetables and go through great pains several times a day to eat most of them. This is very difficult to do in Atlanta since all the recipes seemed to include a wide variety of foreign dishes I have never heard of with new and exotic vegetables and spices. I'm in the heart of the south and all I want is meat and potatoes. Is that too much to ask? I don't want tofu soaked in some tasty soy extract, or any other bio-eco friendly greenpeace certified vegan happy meal for dinner and the menus were designed with them in mind instead of me. I would frequently become frustrated and want to stand on the table to shout I just want some big dumb animal to come die on my plate and burnt to a crisp, with french fries or a baked potato! Ketchup and a bun would be nice, but are not mandatory. After a weekend of testosterone boosting bikes, I thought I had found refuge in the one place where things never change (or get cleaned), the trusty-rusty WaHo. Luckily, you can not be this side of the Mason-Dixon line without having at least one Waffle House at every exit along the interstate, and scattered around citys at random. Every southerner knows what a GRIT is and not to eat them there. I walked in with the gang and decided to comfort myself with a bowl of Bert's Chili when I noticed even this most traditional southern establishment had been tainted. At the far end of the booth was a huge assortment basket of things I had only heard of before or not seen before. Have you ever been to a WaHo and seen a table with more than salt, pepper, and sugar on it? Sure, a bottle of ketchup if you are lucky but that's about it. Each and every table had it's own basket with such 'delicacies' as Heinz 57, Worcestershire sauce, Tobasco (great on chili!!!), steak sauce, and a type of salsa that I've never even heard of before in addition to the usual stuff. I almost didn't have room for my chili among all that crap, but I just poured half a bottle of the Tobasco into the bowl and had a grand old time with the guys. I look forward to going back, but I think I'll take a pack of hot-dogs with me so I don't starve.
20:53EST-WED-1/16/2001
- I bought a dish-washer. I feel so civil. Truth be known, I'm just too lazy to do dishes and I figured it was worth the almost five hundred dollars to not have to do them ever again. I never even enjoyed loading the dishwasher when I had one in previous apartments. For that matter, I don't even like to shave, but letting it grow out would require more work to keep it trimmed and looking good. I can't imagine myself with a beard anyway so that'll have to pass too. I wish I had real motivation. I know I can do things when I get inspired and try, but that is so rare these days. Apathy is taking over. I don't even get a thrill out of wasting exorbitant amounts of money anymore. This sucks. At least I still enjoy flirting with women over AIM. Not as rewarding as flirting with them in person, but I'm usually much more relaxed on AIM. Probably because I don't have to worry about physical retaliation if I say something too cheezy or break eye contact or something. :)
15:48EST-MON-1/14/2002
- Darnit. I waited all that time for my paycheck to get here so I could dash out to compusa and pick up that 160 gig hard drive for a sweet price, and they changed the price back already. I am Shane's complete lack of enthusiasm.
22:20EST-WED-1/9/2002
- :::yawn::: I wish there were more hours in a day. I don't seem to ever have enough time to goof off and work enough to pay for all my goofing off. Goofing off has gotten to be quite expensive these days. I am exhausted right now. I work for 8 hours a day. Add an hour for lunch, and time to get ready and drive to work, and that takes up about 10-11 hours of every day. Add to that 9 hours of trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night (and failing) and that leaves me with around 3-4 hours each day to live my own life. I spend a great deal of that online because that's all I know anymore. Plus, I often can't get to sleep on time because I have so much energy when I try to go to bed (cruel joke) that I can't fall asleep easily. Typically, I can stay awake for almost 20 hours or so before I begin to feel tired. Maybe I can get some financial backing and come up with some tremendous scheme to slow the earth's rotation down to a 30 hour day. That'd be neat. It would destroy the Swiss watch market, but hey, wouldn't it be cool? We would certainly have longer weekends to drink. :)
21:14EST-MON-1/7/2002
- I got started on a rant about cats yesterday and it got me to thinking. Everyone's heard of Mom Spit before as being some kind of miracle cleaner, but I think that cat spit is even more powerful. Think about it for a bit. Cats lick themselves quite frequently. Have you ever tried to sniff a cat? They typically don't smell all that bad. Even after licking their butts for hours on end. I'm not going to try to sniff any cat-butt to test my theory, but that brings me to another disturbing thought. I'm sure that you've had a cat lick your before. Whether it's because the cat likes you, or it tastes the salami sandwich you just ate on your fingers. That tongue gets pretty harsh fairly quickly. I can only stand being licked for a few seconds before the skin on my fingers gets too sore to stand anymore. If a cat can lick it's butt for two hours straight, then that asshole must be made of titanium. Maybe some corporation can do some experiments to figure out how they stay so durable and make Firestone tires out of them or something. After all, it is snow season again.
20:03EST-FRI-1/4/2002
- Ok, Brinkster can bite my ass. Their miserably insufficient bandwidth cap goes -way- too quickly, even for optimized photos. Speaking of which, I need to optimize all the photos I've got stashed all over my page to try and keep the Geocities bandwidth cap from hurting me so much. I think I've finally got all the redirect and links fixed for the party pics page now at least. That is, until I switch back to hosting from my own server. I'll not go over that again here though. On a more serious note, I believe I have decided against joining the Peace Corps. I guess I'm not that badly in need of escape to become a humanitarian. I suppose just continue to hang out here and wish I had a different job, play with myself, my computer, my guns, my web pages, and have a pint with my friends. Remind me to set up links to all the other wankers I know who also have pages like this. I need to start gathering their URLs.
20:46EST-THU-1/3/2002
- Need... More... Bandwidth... I decided to compliment the space I have here with geocities with some more web space over at brinkster since they have no adds, and give me 30 megs for free. I figured; 'Hey, great deal!' but found out that they (like Geocities) does not allow for the leaching of pics so I had to be creative and use some frames to get the pics that I needed. Also, I discovered that their daily bandwidth allowance is a mere pittance. 16.7mb of bandwidth per day. That equates to around one romp through all the pics. Anyone else who wants to look at them get the shaft until the next day. This has inspired me to move the party page back to my home server which will require me to figure out what went wrong with it. At first I thought that our host shut down those ports but that can't be true or we wouldn't be able to surf. Telnet and port sniffing showed that the ports were still open. Still, I can't pull anything from it because it prompts for a un/pw from the router. I remember someone had to reset our router at one point and that may have knocked out the routing tables, but I didn't pay attention while we were doing the telnet configurations to it so I'll have to bug Lucas to give me the manual or help with setting that back up. If it turns out not to be the router (easily determined by bypassing it and knocking off the rest of the house in the process) then it must be a problem with the server itself. It is still running an early beta of Whistler and I've been quite happy with it up to this point as I have only found a few problems with it and all have been easily fixable up until now. Between my endless search for Anime and music, Patrick's constant search for MP3s, and Lucas pulling down all the pr0n and movies he can find, the once proud 80gb of hard drive space on our server has become so congested that we are constantly having to burn things to CDR or compress folders. I've wanted to get a new hard drive to toss in there for some time but didn't really have the inspiration or cash to throw at it. Until now. I found a 160gb hard drive for a mere $270 and I -will- be getting it as soon as the funds become available. Then, I might as well reformat and reinstall everything along with an official version of XP. That'll delay my plans to buy a new gun by a few weeks but this really has to be done, I feel. I'm just too annoyed with the current situation. What was that? Pay for a real web hosting service? Never. Not just to post pics of drunken wankers. This is just a hobby. Besides, the challenges in life are what we secretly live for. People with no challenge or conflict in their lives become complacent and docile. Read: boring. I am thankful for the challenges that fall upon me in a way. I guess that's why I keep working for a company that constantly proves how much it sucks.
19:28EST-WED-1/2/2002
- Once again, it appears I have made it into the newspaper. This time, not in the police reports section. Front page, no less. Must have been a slow news page. Zak, Wulf, and I were cruising around inside of Wal-Mart looking for things to make fire with and buying some ammunition when we were interviewed by some girl who said she was doing interviews for the Oak Ridge High School yearbook. We (being attention hounds) readily accepted to having our thoughts documented to help influence the next wave of youth to corruption. Wulf said that his resolution was to stay alive, Zak said that he wanted to go back to school, and I said that I wanted to quit smoking (already done it, but hey, why not?) and most importantly, I wanted to finally figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up (currently 26 years old). Not six hours later, someone handed me a copy of the local newspaper with my ugly mug on the cover of it stating that my new years resolution was to quit smoking. How unoriginal. Wulf made it on there too but Zak was omitted in favor of some old dude. He's sooo mad. The NYE party went off pretty well. I estimate that we had over 100 people there this time as we ran out of name tags very early in the night and more people showed up. The raffle happened but didn't get the attention I hoped it would get. Congratulations to Reda for winning the limited edition autographed dildo signed by LaMount. Pictures are forthcoming but since I only managed to get six myself since my camera was frozen solid until the last part of the evening. Mental note: do not leave sensitive electronics in the car during extremely cold conditions. I'm serious, it was so cold that night that my radar detector quit working.
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