16:22EST-SUN-11/30/2003
- Ugh... Hangovers suck. Yesterday was Patrick's bachelor party. I find myself spending way too much time trying to think of what to say but the next-day fog is making things very difficult for me right now. I'd really like to write something meaningful or at least vaguely amusing but my mind has been focusing too much on spiteful things lately to generate any real comedy. Instead, I'll just briefly write about (like anyone's reading this =P) what we did last night. If that doesn't amuse me I'll fall back on base humor like dirty words or something.
Anyway, Lucas, Moses, and Scooby arrive at my place to pick me up in Scooby's van. If there was ever any chairs in the back it would surprise me greatly. Currently it is a collection of pillows, blankets, snack food, and car parts. Perfect for our purpose. We kidnapped Patrick and took him to a Crash Test Dummies (shudder) concert that Patrick wanted to go to but had been told he couldn't go because we were throwing him a party. Funny, eh? Take him to a concert we had denied him previously? Then we went to Barleys (for the second time that night) to get thoroughly trashed. That part went off without a hitch, hence my current mental state. I will have to see how well Patrick fared. We made him drink an entire pitcher by himself. Now he knows why I drink cider and not beer. After a brief stop by Slappy's house where we talked about gun, porn, MP3's, and unmentionables, we slowly dispersed.
Penis... Vagina... (snicker)... Wang... Muff-diver... (giggle)... Ass-Bandit... Courtney Carmichael... HAHAHA! Ok, I'm feeling better now. On a similar note, I was downloading James Bond movies and found one I didn't recognize. Casino Royale (1967). You'll notice I didn't link that one. You can go to www.imdb.com and look it up yourself. There's no way you could be as shocked as I was when I began watching it. Save yourselves! Run!!!
21:32EST-FRI-11/28/2003
- 80's lyrics quiz. Special thanks to Katie for bringing that one to my attention. And here I thought I was a child of the 80's, I find myself ashamed that I don't recognize most of these and moreso of the ones I do.
18:56EST-FRI-11/28/2003
- I hope you all had a good turkey day. I worked my arse off and happily so. My feast consisted of two Buy One Get One Free spicy chicken strip meals I got from the Kroger Deli's refrigerated section. After about three bites I had made my decision as to whether or not I liked it. They make great projectiles. I was tremendously bored and sad when I got home. I now know why the suicide rates around the holiday seasons are so high. So bored, in fact, that I couldn't even enjoy playing Final Fantasy XI. I watched a little bit of South Park and got ready for bed four hours ahead of schedule. My chinchilla (who's been hiding in the kitchen walls for the past few days after a daring escape) kept barking at me. Not to be outdone, I tossed back the covers and did what any naked boyscout would do. I set up a snare around his food bowl and sat in the corner of the kitchen reading my book while waiting. Sure enough, after a couple of pages I heard him scuttling around behind the cabinets. Shortly after that, he poked his head out enough to see the bowl of alfalfa and me. He loves the alfalfa so I knew he couldn't resist. Especially sine I hid the cat and dog food so he couldn't forage at night. He slowly crept up and I let him take the first bit to help build trust (to shatter a moment later) so he would feel more at ease and step closer to the bowl where my snare was lain. After a moment and another page in my book (The Cardinal of the Kremlin) he stepped right up and resumed his normal eating stance. I whipped the snare taught and felt it secure itself around his legs only to snap off entirely letting the little bugger escape back under the cabinets. Gotta fix that. Check yours, I'll bet you have a similar slot just big enough for a chinchilla to get into and hide. Frustrated, I set my trap back up with doubled up strands and a better positioning of the snare after seeing what he did the last time. A chapter later and I didn't even hear him bark the entire time. I went back to bed. I read several more chapters and fell asleep. The kitten saw to it that I didn't sleep too much longer. I had a nice long discussion with him and he promised to be good or else I'd put him in the large closet with Adrienne's shoe collection. Again, I was awoken by the sounds of the barking chinchilla except that it sounded different somehow... It was in the bedroom with me! I confirmed this after sealing the door and cutting off all known escape routes. At long last, I managed to piss him off enough that he jumped (FYI: Chinchillas can jump well over 20 inches high) straight at my willy where I was able to reflexively intercept him. Thank goodness for all those times as a kid where my friends and I would all run around trying to kick each other in the nuts. We got good at blocking. With my newly caught (and quite skinny) chinchilla safely back in his cage with food and water, I went back to sleep a victorious hunter. Happy Thanksgiving indeed.
15:25EST-THU-11/27/2003
- I was talking with Zak the other day about things that boys talk about. Guns, movies with guns, explosions, and politics. One interesting thought came up. You remember that great movie with Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Predator? Jesse (Blain) ran around the whole time in an MTV tank top carrying a General Electric M-134 Electric Chain Gun and mowing lawns. A few years later, he was voted governor of Minnesota. Remember Terminator 2? Arnold was prancing around with the very same gun (rented from the very same prop studio, Stembridge Gun Rentals in Hollywood) and shooting cop cars. Yay! A few years after that, he was voted governor of California. Coincidence? I think not! You know who else had a nifty scene with that very same gun? Bill Duke. Coule he be the next governor of New York (his birthplace)? I think I'll take up a career in acting/politics. Now all I have to do is raise the money to rent the gun, fire the fucker, film the whole thing, and get elected. No problem! I smell a bad Mentos commercial rip-off coming on... General Electric - The Governor Maker!
14:12EST-THU-11/27/2003
- Happy Thanksgiving day! Or, more to the point, Happy Misgivings day! Why? I like Thanksgiving just as much as the next red blooded American. I think that's the problem. A day where we celebrate screwing a kind, generous, and merciful people out of their lands and then killing them off with guns and blankets by getting even more fat and greedy. I don't like the French (based purly upon their food and military history) but I can understand why they and most of the rest of the world don't like us. Do I still celebrate Thanksgiving? Sure. Who doesn't like endless quantities of mashed potatos and biscuits dripping with REAL butter? Starches... Mmmmm... (drool) Unfortunately, I don't get to do that today. Instead, I'm celebrating this holiday in the same way I celebrate most the others. Double-Time Pay. That's right, I'm working. Working overtime too. You forget, I'm still a red blooded American and that means Capitali$t. If I can swing a 16 hour work shift at 18 dollars an hour, I'll treat myself to a new gun or some really impressive ammo. =) In the mean time, I'll have to hold off on the holiday feast and instead, I'll just have one of these.
16:20EST-THU-11/20/2003
- I don't smoke a whole lot, and when I do, I still don't smoke much. I typically don't finish a whole cigarette. When I do, it usually takes more than 15 minutes for me to finish it. I don't usually have a full 15 minutes of break to devote to a nasty habit. I feel bad about wasting perfectly good cigarettes that aren't finished. I want to have some smaller cigarettes that I can smoke quicker. Maybe a 5 minute cigarette. You know how full-sized lighters fit perfectly in a cigarette pack? That was no accident. Why then do they have those short micro-lighters? So you don't mind losing them when someone gaffles them? Probably. That would work out with my new micro cigarette idea. They could fit right in like bigger lighters fit in a full sized cigarette pack. My new 'cute' cigarettes will be a hit. I'll call them Quickies. I know you'll be the first to buy a pack and run up to every woman you see and asking if they want a Quickie.
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