Dear Harvey

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Dear Harvey –Advice Column 11-16-2002

Acknowledgements: Thank you kazbaby, frelledbyfate, and Reefrunner for your wonderful e-mail, I absolutely cannot do it without you. Please keep those e-mails coming. This column depends on you, dear reader.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, I’m keeping my day job.
Disclaimer #2: This is a parody of advice columns. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or fictional person, past or present, is unintentional and is meant for entertainment only.

(I’m still here and still publishing directly from Moya’s neural cluster)

Dear Harvey,

I have been having a little problem lately. It's kind of a trust issue. I'm in love with this girl, but she left me without telling me she was pregnant. Just recently she's come back to me, but I keep pushing her away. I'm tired of being hurt by her, plus she is keeping some secret from me. But I still love her. I've been trying alternative methods to keep myself from thinking about her, but these methods seem to give me memories of her I shouldn't have. I want to be with her sooo badly, how do I get myself to trust her again. I would really appreciate any advise you can give.

Signed,
Someone out in the Universe

Dear Someone,

Okay, so let me get this straight. Your girlfriend leaves you after getting knocked up by you don’t know who, disappears for I don’t know how long, comes back and doesn’t tell you anything about what has happened and has I don’t know how many other secrets that are important for you to know; and you want me to advise you to trust her?

Why?

Forget about her! Take as many cold showers as necessary, but forget about her. According to an old Erp saying, there are lots of good fish in the sea. You’ve done it before, you can do it again, get another girl friend.

Love, bah, humbug!

                          ______________________________

Dear Harvey,

First I want to say how much I enjoy your column. You're advise if not dead on is in the least entertaining. Now on to my questions (yes that is questions plural)...

How have you been coping with a non-corporeal existence? I wondered because now you have no outside stimuli or John's memories to cavort in. What do you do all day?

What do you miss most and least from John's mind? I'm sure there were some REALLY interesting things in there and I couldn't help but wonder about you're feelings on the whole thing.

Lastly, I find your sense of fashion interesting. Who and what would you say were your greatest influences?

-an inquiring mind

Dear inquiring,

I am curious, if you don’t think my advice is perfect, why are you bothering to ask me anything? All my other correspondents think my advice is “dead on”, so to speak.

Nevertheless, I do appreciate your concern for my well-being; and will answer your questions.

First, I wasn’t exactly corporeal in John’s head either. And despite his rather colorful experiences, some of which I miss more than I’d like to admit, I am finding both Moya and Pilot to be most stimulating companions. Now that I am in Moya’s neural cluster, I have access to both her and Pilot directly. John will never be able to experience giving birth; I have through Moya, although, I have no desire to ever experience that myself directly. Further, I am able to experience everything Moya and Pilot now experience.

What I really miss most from John, is WOMEN! That boy is a live wire; let me tell you. He really got around.

I’m glad you asked me about fashion, it is one of my favorite topics. John’s tastes were rather boring and conservative. Although he was an avid reader of GQ and Playboy (ah, the women), with an occasional New York Times Fashion magazine thrown in for good measure, John really didn’t seem to pay much attention to what they had to say. About the only fashion item we really agree on is this lovely Hawaiian Mambo shirt. We are both quite partial to it.

                        ______________________________

Dear Harvey:

In perusing the Louisiana, USA map, I noticed a town named Harvey south of New Orleans. Do you think they named it after you?

Signed,
A curious fan

Dear curious,

But of course!

                        ______________________________

Dear Readers,

I want to thank all of you for your wonderful mail and show of concern for me. You have been with me through thick and thin. Even though things are a bit thin at this time, I have great hope that it will not stay this way for long.

I have cleaned out my backlog of e-mail, and will be taking a short break for a weeken (week to you Erp’ers) or two, but please don’t stop sending those e-mails.

I WILL BE BACK! SOON!