Smallville TWoP Ten Lists

Top Ten Lists from the Members of Television Without Pity                       Last updated September 12, 2002

Warning: These lists contain homoeroticism, NC-17 behaviour, pie, and inside jokes. If you don't understand something it's probably for the best, because it seems to be catching. If you're really curious, or simply masochistic, go here.

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Top 10 Missing Scenes - TheItGirl

10. The one where Enrique licks Lex's head! And we get to choose which one! - Tonicat
  9. The ones where Lex doesn't leave the barn. And they make out for hours on the couch. - edie22
  8. The scene in which Clark asks Lex why Lex keeps checking out his ass, and Lex tells him. - JenHall
  7. The swimming hole scene. - Fleegull
  6. About a hundred scenes where Pete speaks. - Gnosis
  5. The scene where Whitney apologizes to Clark. - Elrond50
  4. The scene where Lana's upper lip moved, and several actual emotions were observed. - slodwick
  3. Happy Hour at the Talon, Officer Funboy and all. - TheItGirl
  2. Martha turns and says, "Shut. It. Bo.", right after he natters on about the cows feeding themselves. - Tresca
  1. Whitney finally becomes the truck, then wrecks himself in a fiery crash. - slodwick

Top Ten Senior Pranks at Smallville High, - stargurl

10. Attaching electronic probes to Lana's upper lip so it will move every once in awhile. ZZZZZZZZAP! - mrslexluthor
  9. Spray painting 'Clark Kent Loves Lex Luthor' all over his locker. - JenHall
  8. Replacing the water in the school pool with Ty Nant! Imagine how many bottles it would take! - mrslexluthor
  7. Bringing all the Kent cows to the second floor of Smallville High (my own high school did this as a prank one year, because cows can go up stairs but they can't go back down). - Gnosis
  6. Writing 'For a good time call...' with Lex's mobile number on the mens room wall (Pete's been going through Clark's address book) - marysia
  5. Printing out this page from this board and pasting it to the Talon windows. - mrslexluthor
  4. Setting a pack of flying squirrels loose in the school. - slodwick
  3. Hacking into the School computer and failing the entire Freshman class. - Elrond50
  2. Getting Lana to eat chili made from her dead parents (sorry, South Park on the brain). - marysia
  1. Making a new Kryptofreak of the Week in the school's science lab. - mrslexluthor

Top Ten Rejected Script Plots - mrslexluthor

10. Lana gets run over by Whitney after he gets tired of her constant whining about her dead parents. He claims her necklace made him do it. - Elrond50
  9. The football coach sets stuff on fire in front of the principal, who just walks away, slightly bemused. Also, Clark has some really terrible, wait. That one made it under the radar. Okay, ummmm....Bo is driven mad when a krypto-powered plot contrivance causes the cows to start feeding themselves. And can Lana cope with the disturbing news that her parents may not be travelling asia after all? - wileykit666
  8. Joe Morton concocts a potion that mysteriously returns Lex's hair. Thus unburdened by his feelings of inadequate hairiness (and finally able to rival his father in the luxurious mane department), Lex makes peace with the world, (and himself!), decides that the fast life isn't for him, and opens his own lil' general store, leaving such things as "moving to the dark side" behind. - PHTadd
  7. While Clark and Lex have mysteriously dropped out of communication on a trip to Metropolis, there is a hullaballoo at the weekly Organic Gardening meeting. With no one to turn to for help, Pete has to save the day. Chloe writes a great (and not cheesy) article about Pete's heroics and then kisses him at the end. - disbelief
  6. Lex and Clark's sizzling chemistry is finally realised in teen TV's first 30-second male/male snogging scene. Tensions arise in the Kent household when Clark tells Bo he's in love with Lex. The Mighty Bastard disinherits Lex in disgust and, dare we say it, jealousy. So Clark and Lex find themselves a nice little apartment in Metropolis and settle down, leaving all thoughts of world domination and superherohood behind. - suzycat
  5. Martha's secret identity as a witch is exposed and she flies around Smallville in a broom turning the entire population into frogs - AlejandraDD
  4. Enrique finally snaps, going on a mad rampage wearing nothing but a fuchsia thong and some interesting Christmas tree ornaments. He was heard muttering something about "farmboy sluts" and something that sounded suspiciously like "Sexy-Lexykins is mine! All mine!" - Grey Roses
  3. Kryptonite Viagra! - Justin Cognito
  2. The VOTW is just some local jackass with a gun. A normal, non-krypto-villian with a normal, non-krypto-gun. Bo Duke goes an entire episode without sharing his thoughts, thus leaving everyone to depend on his/her own opinions. Martha doesn't purse her lips, even once. Lex goes to see Snow Dogs with his dad, just for fun. Clark manages to use his powers in an extra careful and secretive manner, allowing no chance for anyone to discover his secret, and the VOTW is somehow defeated without being thrown the requisite thirty feet through the air. Chloe and Pete are not in danger at any point, and go for a relaxing drive with Whitney, where the three bond and discuss Middle-Eastern politics and Renaissance art. - slodwick
  1. The MB decides to marry BMC, they have a daughter named Enchantra who can melt your face off with a single look. The baby grows up to marry Pete, just to give him some lines. Pete opens a creamed corn factory. The factory goes bust, leaving the couple broke and dependent on Daddy and Mummy. Enchantra becomes a fairie princess with a crown and a wand. - mrslexluthor

Top Ten Guest Stars We would Like to See (and their characters) - mrslexluthor

10. John Denver, playing the loveable dimwitted guy who keeps accidentally dropping kryptonite in Clark's trousers. - Coriolanus
  9. Jodie Foster, in flashback, as Lex's mother Lillian - slodwick
  8. Nick Lea as Alex Krycek (I know but this is Smallville, what continuity?) He comes to town investigating rumors of new alien conspiracies and kills Lana because she gets on his nerves. - Elrond50
  7. Robert DeNiro as Chloe's funny uncle, and he gets to say "Are you talking to me???" to Bo's cows. - AlejandraDD
  6. Stuart from the UK version of Queer as Folk as Lex's old college roommate. - marysia
  5. Steve Martin, playing a smarmy business associate of the Luthors. All three men need to be in one room at some point in the episode: Steve Martin, John Glover, and MR. Rowr. - disbelief
   4. Keanu Reeves playing a Nixonesque sneaky reporter. He sees Clark using his superpowers and says (Yep. You guessed it) "Woah." Then Bo comes up with a gun and says "Dodge this." And kills Keanu, because he is a mong. - wileykit666
   3. Whitney joins the Marines and meets his Drill Sergeant, Sgt Pyle: SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE! - Coriolanus
   2. Ewan MacGregor. He could do anything, as long as it was half naked, or all the way naked, I wouldn't mind a bit. - edie22
   1. Jude Law playing a former acquaintance from Lex's nightclubbing days. - Wubba