11:36EST-WED-8/31/2005
- Is there anything more tastey and delicious than an afternoon lunch of soup and a sandwich? I think not. Sure, there are other meals which are quite delicious, and maybe it's just me, but every once in a while I get in the mood to do something more than go through a drive-thru for my meals. Rarely, but occasionally it does happen. This usually entails my having to do the dishes in the sink, use said dishes to cook a fine pot of soup with my special blend of spices, let it sit just the right ammount of time while I prepare a glorious sandwich on the finest breads I can afford. Upon that bread I put the best meats and condiments I can afford. It's seldom I treat myself this way, but well worth it. Imported mustard, domestic meats of various types, a clean cut down the center.
A tribute to mothers everywhere who made their kids sandwiches this way all through their youths for no other reasons than a mothers love and knowledge that every time their kids make sandwiches from this point on, they would be remembered with reverence. Unless of course you were one of those annoying kids who refused to eat a sandwich without the crust cut off. WTF? Your mom took time out of her busy day to make food for YOU and you complain that "I don't like crust, I won't eat it". Die. Crust is part of your sandwich. Sandwiches are good. Eat that shit.
By the time my sandwich is complete, the soup is just about perfect. I toss the sandwich on a paper plate and a spoon in the pot. There is no need to get a bowl dirty when the pot will do just fine. I sit down to enjoy my Hot-N-Spicy flavored Ramen Noodles and balogna sandwich with spicy mustard. I pop open a fresh can of Dr. Pepper and flip channels trying to find something tollerable while I enjoy my very own fine dining experience. If I'm -extra- lucky, I have some chips in the house and I feel like I've got my very own three course meal.
12:11EST-WED-8/17/2005
- Tell me, do any of you ever find yourself wandering around in a malaise questioning yourself? Wondering what has become of the person you used to be? Wondering if you really are still the person you thought you are? It's this kind of malaise that tends to creep up on me after a few months of inactivity. I guess it could be seen as slipping into a rut. Doing the same thing all the time. Work, watch TV, piddle around on the computer, sleep, repeat. Sometimes I find myself losing my sense of self and my assertiveness. Sometimes I recognize the symptoms and do something about it. Other times it happens after a reminder of some kind. I've realized for some time now that my passion for things has been on the decline. This kills me because one of my favorite ways to enjoy my off time was with video games and they've lost their taste recently. I need a new one to get interested in but I can't even bring myself to read the forums on upcomming games to see if I'm going to like any of them. I bring this up because last night I found a whole lot of music I had forgotten about on my computer. I hadn't listened to MP3s in... um... years. Seriously. My wonderfully expensive car stereo still sits in a car that won't run. I haven't the cash to take it out and put it in my new car yet. At the very least, I could go and take it out, but I'm hesitant as I'd also like to remove the alarm and radar detectors that are built into the body of the car as well. My CDs were all scattered to the wind and once found, were examined to reveal that almost all were damaged beyond all hope of repair from being kept poorly while not in my car. I haven't listened to them in ages as a result. When I found the little cache of music on my computer last night, I qued them up while playing with the chinchillas. Project Pitchfork, Velvit Acid Christ, Nine Inch Nails, Covenant, Front 242, VNV Nation, and... Primus? Yes yes yes, I know what you're thinking. What is a collection of superb gothic industrial music doing laced with (a surprisingly sizable) chunk of Primus? I mean... It's PRIMUS! Don't get me wrong, I love me some primus. I chuckled as I loaded up all the music into one big playlist and hit Random Play. The effect was very pleasing. Memories of brooding, unhappiness, rage, speeding tickets, goth parties, and gunplay were interrupted frequently with memories of stealing lawn furnature, jumping off of cliffs, trespassing, and hanging around with hippies. The effect was quite uplifting. It snapped me out of my little funk better than an hour at the gun range (which says a lot!) and even Adrienne noticed I had a sparkle in my eye that she hadn't seen in a while. So, to restate my question, does anyone else feel like they are empowered by the music they listen to?
20:32EST-MON-8/15/2005
- Did I mention I hate Quiznos? You shouldn't have to fucking pay $20 for two sub combos. WTF? I tried to look at the receipt and see if he had accidentally rang up a side order of diamonds or something but all it said was the total, the tax, and F.U. on it. Damn, F.U. is expensive. I will never bitch about Subway again. Besides, I like their food better anyway and the guys that work there don't look like they were late for work because they were too stoned to figure out how to get their hats on. While I'm on the subject, let me just remind everyone of how I feel about people who can't figure out how to wear a fucking hat. If you put it on and it is crooked or sideways, then I feel sorry for you (in addition to despising you) because the only people who think you look good are the other 'Hat wearing impared'. Way to go buddy. Way to tell the world that you can't even get putting on a god damned hat right.
Shit, I must be getting old.
18:43EST-MON-8/15/2005
- Relationships are peculiar, aren't they? We do it to ourselves though. I don't profess to know how women do it but I've seen guys take their greif and use it as a building block. Fresh material to further steel our emotions. Sometimes this changes the way we think of ourselves and the world around us. Some of us build up walls to keep people out. Ok, the great many of us. We hide behind these walls to keep our emotional vulnerability safe. Don't allow ourselves to become too involved or attached. Like a turtle, the more of you that comes out of your shell, the more that can get cut off.
These walls are made of apathy, caution, arrogance, and sometimes violence. This changes the way we are perceived by others. Especially women who don't understand this. Frequently, this is why you see groups of guys who are all assholes form very tight friendships. Secretly, they understand each other.
Many of the assholes I know aren't really that bad deep at heart. They tend to attract women who are not the kind of girls you take home to Mom and probably can't stand to be around for too long.
This does not mean that all assholes are really gentle, caring, nice guys down at heart. I'm sure there are a lot of them who really are assholes through and through, but I've never stuck around long enough or formed bonds strong enough to find out.
Let's not forget the guys who do not overcome their grief and instead continue to let the weight on their shoulders build and build. These are the guys who continually get the shit end of the stick. I've written about them many times in this very blog over the years. They -act- like nice guys, they -are- nice guys. Occasionally they find a woman who appreciates that. Rarely. Almost never. At least not until after the women hit 40.
There are guys who pretend that they are really sweet and innocent but are predators at heart. A different mask for them. They prey on those women who seek tranquility and love.
Women, you've been warned. If you are looking for Mr. Right, try looking in the opposite area. If you have low self esteme and like assholes, then you can't really go wrong with one. Either you'll find that he's really a good guy who will eventually come out of his shell for you and treat you well or he'll really be a true asshole and you won't be surprised. If he starts to be TOO nice to you, nag him a little. That'll fix it. If you still believe in unicorns, you are unlucky as the really nice guys are too shy to make a move, while the wolves in sheeps clothing as well as both other type of asshole have no problems whatsoever about letting you know their wishes.
This really made more sense to me before I tried to write it down. The gift of gab is not with me today.
15:03EST-WED-8/10/2005
- Dammit! I need another book. I've been reading them like mad lately. No sooner do I finish one than I'm on to the next one. I feel like McBee. Just finished another story by Mark Twain and I was enjoying it so much that I was really dissapointed when it ended. Hopefully Adrienne will find and lend me her remaining Mark Twain books including one of his collected short story books. I've been wandering around all day at work and when I would get a couple of minutes to myself, I would reach for my book and see it's not there. 'Oh yeah, I already finished that one too.' I've already finished reading every single Tom Clancey book in my collection (sizable as it is) and will need to go to McKay used books to see about finding one that I don't already have. Adrienne urges me to read something other than Tom Clancey claiming that it isn't good litterature. She's never read it so I fend her off for a moment or two with that but she (being a girl) can argue with the best of them and I frequently snuck off to read my Clancey books when she wasn't around. I felt so dirty. I kinda liked it. Ah, forbidden fruit, thy name is Spy Novels.
15:37EST-TUE-8/2/2005
- Yesterday Adrienne gave me a cold. Today I woke up with it at it's worst. I was, however, treated with a pleasant surprise. I was checking the status of my KoC game when I heard one of my chinchillas, Daisy, making an unusual noise. She's (ok, I have to pause right here to mention that the dog has just farted 5 times in a row and doesn't seem the least bit embarassed. Thankfully my nose is stopped up) always been a very talkative Chinchilla making noises almost all the time. Compared to stoic ChinChin, Daisy is a regular chatterbox. These, however, were different and I got up to see what was wrong only to see her giving birth to her first baby! It's so cute. I've been watching them for hours. Her kid (sex unknown yet) is every bit as talkative as Daisy is. You should hear them going on and on right now. I'm going to re-read my chinchilla books and see if there's anything I need to do for them. I'm finally a chinchilla rancher! It's been such a pleasant surprise, I think I'm starting to get over my cold somewhat. I'm not nearly as miserable as I was a few hours ago. =D
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