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The Tangent At Hand
.......... This is the part where I pretend that you are in the room with me and I'm just talking out loud. Free flow thought. Rambling. Ranting. Tangenting on my own tangents. Y'know, stuff. I may update this page as seldom as several days at a time, or twenty times a night depending on how wired or bored I am at work. You get the really good quality tangents when I'm hyped up on supercaff. In fact, I think I'll go get some right now. That'll force the creative juices for sure!
.......... Beware! The author of this page does not condone the use of conservative thought, antidisestablishmentarian ideals, Marxist economics, or anything Ford makes. Read the following drivel at your own risk of understanding me.

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16:32EST-WED-10/4/2006

ZOMG! Two posts in one day? Say it isn't so! Better not get used to it. =P

Where was I? Oh yes! Birthdays are confusing. Back in Tha Day® it used to be quite easy. Remember? We would be excited about our birthdays for weeks or months prior to the actual event. Oh boy! Presents and cake!!! Yeah. I miss those days. I haven't been excited about a birthday since 21 and that wasn't even a memorable birthday. I don't even know where I was living then. When you don't live with your parents, birthdays lose a lot of flavor. Instead, I get to look forward to such cherished moments as a buddy saying "Dude, it's your birthday? Shit, I didn't remember. Here, have some Camel Cash". I don't mind it. I'm not a kid anymore. Some day I might be lucky enough to have a kid give me a tie or poorly made clay ashtray but for now I'm just not used to thinking about it. Just another day. It was special 30 years ago, but not so much anymore.

Until Sunday, that is. Julie asked me what I wanted to do on my birthday. You know what? I don't have a fucking clue. I've tried to think of things I wanted to do but I'm just so used to not doing anything at all that I can not think of anything that isn't silly (monster trucks and dodgeball games) or complete fantasy (Mars walk) so I'm drawing a blank. If I was into sports, I could go see a game. If it was still warm, I'd love to go to the lake and have a cookout. I keep coming back to guns. I do like guns. Mmmmm... guns... Julie wanted to renew my membership at the Oak Ridge Sportsmans Association and that is so sweet of her. That's more than I could have ever asked for. When she asked me what I wanted to do, I jokingly said that I wanted a six pack and a couple of boxes of ammo. That's how I uncovered her plans. How cool is that? She doesn't know how to go about doing it and might need me to be part of the process, but I don't know. I've done applications in the past but never done a renewal. Supposedly it's easier than a new application but I never got around to it in the past so I wouldn't know. That's why I've been through the new member application a couple of times.

Really, at most, all I would have hoped for was a DVD or a box of Dr. Pepper and taco supplies.

15:06EST-WED-10/4/2006

Ok, not ALL my dreams, but my most recent one. I like to fixate on one thing at a time until I get bored of the idea and wander off to find something else shiny. Just like a monkey. I'm sure many of you already knew that.

Gatlinburg is an interesting place. Especially the strip. You can find all sorts of weird things there. Want to race gokarts? Sure. Parachute with a safety line? No problem. Bungee Jumping into Jello? Fine. Wrestle a gorilla while a handful of Asian guys throw fireworks into the ring to keep it interesting? Can do. One thing caught my eye and I thought it was a perfect cultural statement. Monster trucks. Yes, there's a place with a fenced in dirt area, a couple of crushed cars and some dirt mounds with monster trucks driving around it. I laughed. I giggled about it for weeks. I thought "What kind of redneck would want to go to Gatlinburg and pay good money to drive a monster truck around?"

Well, I would. Sure, at first I was elitist about it and laughed a good bit but I thought about it again and thought that one day I might be lucky enough to be in a death bed (as opposed to suddenly dead in a car or something again) talking to friends and family. You see it in the movies or some books where the dying person goes over the things they enjoyed most in life, things they will miss, and things they wished they had done or not done. I was thinking about that and the monster trucks popped into my head. I was ashamed. I want to be able to say I've done everything I've ever wanted in life and even did a few other things just for the hell of it. I don't want to be dying and think "I wish I drove that damned monster truck but it's too late now".

This is where the shattering happens. Julie says that they don't let you drive them. At most, they just let you sit in the passenger seat and drive you around. Dammit! That's not nearly as interesting. It's still a little interesting, but I don't think I'd pay money just to sit beside someone else who is having fun behind the wheel.

Oh well, back to dreaming about being a rallycross driver...